The leaves are falling and the squirrels around Chambana are plumping up for the winter, which means only one thing at UIUC: group project season. While everyone wishes they would finally end up in a group where everybody does their fair share, everyone also knows that obviously is never the case. Since you’re going to be doing your next group project alone as the rest of your group has “retreats,” “Jason Derulo tickets,” and “diagnosed with Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease,” here are the top UIUC places to do a group project by yourself.
7.) On Top of a Trash Can:
Let’s be honest: your group is absolute trash. What better place to make this noted while you do the project by yourself than while sitting on top of a trash can on the Quad working on the project an hour before it’s due.
6.) Next to Jay Pharoah:
Former SNL cast member and comedian Jay Pharoah performed at UIUC this week, the biggest comedy act performing in Chambana since Smash Mouth was at the Urbana Sweet Corn Festival in August. Since your group members have forgotten your GroupMe ever existed, do the project next to a Jay Pharoah poster because everything about this project is a joke.
5.) Inside an Empty Foellinger Hall:
Foellinger Hall is the largest lecture hall on campus, and it can make a student feel incredibly small and lonely in this world when there’s nobody else in it. Use this as a metaphor for how you feel like the world is empty when your group members refuse to work on your group project.
4.) Illini Union Arcade:
Every UIUC student knows there’s no time more lit on campus than Saturday nights at the Illini Union Arcade. When your group project is due on Monday, and you’re the only one working on it, you still have to find time to get ratchet with Dance Dance Revolution and finish up the PowerPoint.
3.) Memorial Stadium Practice Field:
Before the Illini football team screws it up on the field and disappoints all of their fans, they have to be terrible on their practice fields. There’s no better place to demonstrate how terrible your group is than to work on the project in the home of atrocious: Memorial Stadium’s practice fields.
2.) Grange Grove Port-O-Potty:
Not only is your group trash, it’s also shit. And there’s not a worse bathroom on campus than the Port-o-Potties in Grange Grove. So let it out and drop a load while doing the load of the group’s work.
1.) Weight Room in the ARC:
Your group might be terrible while working on your group project, which means more work for you. In order to take on the extra work that you don’t want to do, you’ll need to hit the ARC’s weight room so you can add on the muscle to carry the team. Your group members will thank you and you won’t pull a hamstring.
Group projects are the worst, and teamwork only gets more important when UIUC students graduate and enter the real world. But for now, you’re on your own buddy.