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Top Ten Things to AirDrop in Your Boring Lincoln Hall Lecture

What mistake did you make in your academic career to end up in this hell pit? Why did you think MACS 100 or STAT 100 were worth the gen-ed credits? Now you’re sitting in an overstuffed lecture hall, banging your head against your iClicker while all 499 other students cough in unison. When the going gets tough and you need a distraction, here are some things you can AirDrop to surrounding students.

10.) Alma’s Nudes:
These are top secret, and she definitely wouldn’t want you to show anyone. However, when you texted Ms. Mater “u up?” at 3:33 a.m. last Monday night and she screenshotted it and sent it to all her statue friends with the caption “thirsty,” you vowed revenge. What easier way to spread these NSFW images of slutty Alma being tag-teamed by Learning and Labor than to AirDrop it to your entire lecture?

9.) Pictures of Your Pets:
Nothing will boost morale in a stagnant lecture quite like pictures of puppies or cocaine, except maybe both. You’re already a dog mom who can’t stop shoving pictures of your beloved “fur baby” in strangers’ faces anyway, so why not extend that to 500 more people?.

8.) KAM’s’ Location:
Clafties, anyone? When iPhone notifications around you start binging, it will almost resemble the beautiful tinkle of the Altgeld Bells. The siren song is calling everyone to KAM’s, and no one except the nerdiest nerds can resist. What a wholesome bonding session this shall be.

7.) The Cly’s Basement Sex Tape:
You’re true chaotic evil, and this stunt will either result in class getting cancelled or you being expelled. Although this crude film was shot on some variety of sweet potato last year, no one who has seen it is able to forget. And we really want to forget.

6.) Link to Your SoundCloud:
The breath of the person sleeping next to you isn’t the only “hot fire” thing in lecture right now. Watch everyone slowly extract their earbuds and literally spontaneously combust to the sounds of your new mixtape.

5.) Picture of the Person in Front of You:
Everyone and their mother will be turning around to see who the mystery photographer is. The person in front of you will probably file a restraining order. Time to lawyer up like O.J. and head over to Student Legal Services.

4.) Seductive Selfie:
If you use a forgiving dog filter, some cuties in your lecture might start AirDropping you their number, and some of the dumber ones might try AirDropping you their location. Khalid’s advice doesn’t work when you’re all in the same lecture hall, sweetie.

3.) Memes:
UIUC-specific or not, everyone in lecture is guaranteed to get a kick out of this and start AirDropping memes like rapid fire. However, if some poor soul decides to send a tired Tide Pod or “Somebody toucha my spaghett!” meme, everyone must boo and throw their iClickers at them.

2.) Your LinkedIn:
Didn’t we already say that the most important part of college is networking? Since your MACS professor repeating the definition of “mise en scene” 50 times won’t help you graduate, this should serve as filler. You’ll have 500+ connections instantly.

1.) A Nice Note:
Oh, you thought we were going to try to crack wise here, eh? Nope, just AirDrop a positive note that says something like “The iClicker answer is E,” or “Call your parents, they miss you!” Spread the love in the same way you spread the flu to everyone in lecture last week.

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

 

 

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