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U of I Lets Safety School Wisconsin Be #1 Party School This Year


Not only is the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign known for their legendary parties, they’re also known by their Midwestern class. The UIUC school board worked with Princeton Review, an ACT textbook company that decides which school parties the hardest every year, and did something really nice for their Big Ten rivals.


“We’re letting Wisconsin-Madison be the #1 party school this year,” said U of I spokesperson Robin Kaler. “Madison is most students’ safety school here, so we thought we would be nice to give back to those who are less fortunate.”

Wisconsin has expressed their deepest gratitude by to University of Illinois for the title that will give them a nice boost in confidence for a few days until they remember Scott Walker is their governor.


“It’s tough being the safety school and an afterthought for U of I students, even though we accept pretty much anybody who can walk and chew gum,” said University of Wisconsin spokesperson Doug Williams. “Our shittier version of UIUC’s Unofficial, Mifflin Street Block Party, might not be as shitty this year thanks to the graciousness of the UIUC student body.”


As the U of I takes the rank as the former #1 party school, it’s still up there in 3rd place. Students and faculty say they aren’t overly concerned with the drop in status.


“We’ll take #3 and use this year to heal our hangovers from last school year’s yearlong party,” said junior Matt Martin. “The only way to fix those hangovers is to keep drinking, so if you need me or any other Illini we’re going to head over to KAM’s.”

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