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UIUC Anthropology Student Tells Tinder Date, ‘If You Use A Cultural Lens, My Dick Is, In Fact, Quite Large’

Liberal arts majors took another loss last Saturday, as UIUC student Kevin Durst flubbed his third Tinder date in a row.

At press time, the student spoke to reporters to discuss the night.

“It was going so well,”said Durst. “Right out of the gate, I made sure she knew that I respected women. I even wore my pink hat to show that I’m part of the #resistance. I didn’t actually go to the Women’s March, but I called the president ‘Drumph’ on Twitter. I told one joke about my johnson and she gets offended. I don’t get it; doesn’t she know that I’m an ally?”

The woman in question, Leah Simmons, did not agree with the playful nature of the comment.

“He was being a creep all night,” Simmons said. “Within five minutes of the date, he asked if he could take picture of me naked for his art project, ‘Fille aux gros seins.’ That’s just ‘girl with large boobs’ in French. I would know, I lived in Paris until I was 12. What a pretentious douche. “

When asked if he will be returning to the drawing board for jokes to tell on future dates, Durst hesitated. “I’m not going to stop telling the joke. It’s clever! If you’re telling me we live in a society that condemns dick jokes, then why live at all?”

Oh Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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