Connect with us
Connect with us

Illinois

UIUC Hipsters To Build Under-Underground Library

Fed up with the amount of Brads and Stacies at the Underground Library, the hipsters of Urbana-Champaign have come together to build an Under-Underground Library.

“Something had to be done,” said Bobby Ganoush, the leader of the project. “Have you been to the UGL recently? Posers everywhere. The Under-Underground Library will provide an environment for creative free-thinkers like myself. The computers will be replaced with typewriters, and the vending machines will only contain one item: cigarettes.”

“There will be a strict dress code at the Under-Underground Library. One, no Sperrys or gym shorts. Two, no plain denim jackets – you must have at least two patches on them. Third, and this is the most important of the rules, absolutely no Greek letters,” Ganoush said.

William Bucksworth, a proponent of the building, expressed his excitement.

“It’s been really easy to get together and plan this out,” said Bucksworth. “We all live in Urbana so it’s not too far of a walk for any of us. It’s about time we build our own library. The people of the UGL are such philistines. None of them can appreciate art, like the short story I wrote in my creative writing class about a modern-day Hamlet who lives in NYC and hates his stepdad.”

Not everyone is happy with the construction of the new building. Junior Jill Feinstein spoke about recent experience at the building.

“Can these trust fund babies get any more pretentious? I tried studying there last week and they wouldn’t let me in because I was wearing Greek letters. I’m in a fucking service fraternity. God, I hate these freaks. I bet their parents are paying for this shitty idea.”

Oh Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

Continue Reading

More from Illinois

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top