Kayla Rhodes, Kappa Kappa Alpha sister, started expressing her need to get spooky way back in September before Target even put their Halloween decorations up for sale. However, on Oct. 1, Rhodes tweeted something at 3 a.m., the witching hour, that would change her asshole forever.
“All I did was tweet about how excited I was to get spooky, just like everyone else,” said Rhodes, holding back the tears of someone who has experienced a horrible trauma. “The next morning, I woke up and had an intense pain coming from my butt, so I ran to the bathroom…that’s when it happened.”
Rhodes, after what seemed like hours in the bathroom, looked into the toilet only to see a pumpkin the size of a small child. Her initial reaction was to scream and cry, but after ten minutes of pure terror, she had a change of heart.
“I realized that I was a medical marvel,” Rhodes said. “Instead of feeling embarrassed that I’m the freak that pooped out a pumpkin, I am going to use my magic booty to make myself ~spooky~ famous.”
Her sorority sisters don’t seem quite as excited as Rhodes
“~Spooky~ season was meant as a time where sorority girls dress up as the world’s most naked police officer and to come out of hiding and embrace all that Halloween has to offer,” said fellow sister, Rebecca Westerheide.
“All I’m saying is…her asshole is definitely NEVER going to be the same,” said Sheila Mayweather. “Her boyfriend’s going to be pissed.”
Oh Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame: