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Unsurprisingly, Purdue Student Bike-Sharing Startup Does Absolutely Nothing Beneficial For UIUC, Like, At All

This year a new bike-sharing set up that literally nobody asked for has been introduced to our campus. Instead of more parking or much-needed building renovations, we’ve been given an “environmentally-friendly” alternative to walking that’s actually less environmentally-friendly.

“Seriously? Out of anything that we could’ve been given for 50 cents, I wouldn’t have chosen a rentable bike,” said Karen Whitman, a sophomore. “50-cent wells on a Friday? Now that’s something I can get behind.”

Predictably, other UIUC students feel the same way.

“You’d think since we were so underfunded Illinois would focus on something more beneficial to the student body, like, I don’t know, adding a heckin’ bathroom door at Joe’s,” said junior Jason Spalding. “All I see is these stupid bikes on frat lawns or in trees. Literally nobody uses them for their intended purpose.”

Even environmental sorority president, Samantha Corby, disagrees with the implementation of the bikes.

“These bikes are the opposite of environmentally-friendly. Does Purdue not understand the definition of sustainability?” questioned Corby. “I don’t know what I expected from Purdue, but literally nobody is choosing these bikes over driving.”

If you’re really in need of a Veobike, you can find them in your nearest residence hall, tree, or fraternity backyard. Bike sharing isn’t what UIUC students need, but it’s not exactly what we deserve, either.

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