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The Vacuum Store Has Got To Be A Front For Something

That vacuum store is sketchy, and gut instincts are usually right. Who in their right mind thought it was a good investment to open a vacuum store at a college campus? Probably someone who needs a fake business to launder money through. Here is why the Vacuum Store is definitely a front for something.

6.) Vacuums are not a hot commodity:
Vacuums are not a frequently-purchased item for college students (we’re messy af). Because of this, it can be assumed that the vacuum store has to be getting it’s income from other means.

5.) Its confusing and preachy advertisement:
Outside of the vacuum store reads a sign that says, “We save your vacuum like Jesus saved you.” Why did you have to bring religion into this, vacuum store? Also, does that mean you both sell and repair vacuums? It’s a confusing message that the store obviously doesn’t care about, because their real source of income has gotta be something else.

4.) No one has ever been seen going in or out:
A main component of a successful place of business is their ability to have customers. The vacuum store lacks this, therefore, sells something instead of vacuums on the low. How else could they possibly stay open?

3.) It’s too niche:
A store that is only vacuums is weird. If a person were to need a vacuum they’d go to Target like a normal person. To go to a place for the purpose of buying only one vacuum is honestly inefficient.

2.) You could easily fit so many illegal things in a vacuum:
As the expression goes, “if the shoe fits!” In this sense, it would be referring to microchips, drugs, guns, or many things around this size inside vacuums. That is no doubt their means of distribution.

1.) No one buys a vacuum more than once in 10 years:
There is no way that the vacuum store is staying in business just from vacuum purchases. No one, especially college kids, needs to buy a vacuum that frequently. There is something extremely fishy going on here.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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