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WATCH What Happens When We Replace a UGL Therapy Dog with a Rabid Pit Bull

Move over, Miniature Schnauzers, there’s a new top dog on the block! With finals quickly approaching (don’t worry, we have 26 perfect Doctor Who GIFs that totally share how we feel about that), it’s that time of the semester again for the student-adored therapy dogs to return to the UGL.

 

But, we know what you’re thinking: Where has the representation for dogs with dilapidating viral illnesses been? Thanks to a gracious surprise borrowing from the Champaign County Animal Control, one brave pit bull was able to defy all odds in becoming a therapy dog despite his sickness.

 

Here’s what some students had to say about “Winston,” man’s best mouth-foaming friend:

 

Brandon Staples, Fr.:

 

 

“Jesus fucking Christ! Is this thing even on a leash? Who the hell even brought this dog in here? Why is there literally no trainer around?”

 

Megan McNamara, Jr.:

 

“Shit, shit, shit… holy shit, I think that monster nicked me on my arm a little. I’m sorry, I need to head to McKinley fast. I am freaking the fuck out right now…”

 

Sandra Miller, So.:

 

“Isn’t Finals Week in like, a month anyway? Why would someone let a stray, rabid dog rampage in a library? How did the UGL doors not prevent this?”

 

Needless to say, the courageous, rabies-infected pit bull even left some unaware students speechless, including close-minded senior Henry Miller, who physically couldn’t speak after Winston gave him a little love nibble on the mouth. (Click “Like” if you think Henry and his anti-enabled bigotry against dogs totally had it coming!)

 

While both students and an oddly worried Champaign County Animal Control can’t confirm the current whereabouts of Winston, we hope his triumph against all odds as a therapy dog will finally open a dialogue for rabid animal acceptance worldwide.

 

Here’s to you, Winston. Come home soon, buddy.

 

 

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