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Should You Do A Weed on 4/20?

4/20 is coming up and you’re going to be confronted by an older man hanging by a chain link fence coming up to you asking you, “Hey kid, wanna smoke?” So, should you do the doobie? Should you mow the lawn? Should you smoke the devil’s pubes? Even though it’s 4/20 and all the cool kids are doing it, should you do a weed? This week, our editors duke it out over this issue:

Diego Manischewitz:
You should absolutely do a weed. Get the gang together, roll up some of mud and smoke a weed. It’s going to be really freakin’ yummy. How can you resist some good weed in your ear, especially on the American holiday of 4/20? Blaze it!

Original Pancake:
No weeds! NO NO NO NO NO NO WEEDS! Weed is the devil’s lettuce and April is the devil’s month, so if you smoke weed in April, you can and WILL turn into a satyr. April showers are symbolic of insemination, and you will get pregnant if you SMONK in April. Avoid at all costs.

Diego Manischewitz:
Woah man, it seems like you’re really freaking out. You know what would help you? A weed. A weed that when inserted directly into your eye, can cure your glaucoma and pesky cataracts. Trust me, I’m Dr. Doolittle.

Original Pancake:
You must be one wacky quack, because no one should be prescribing alligator cigarettes for the world’s children! The world before weed came waltzing in was so much purer. Once people started hot boxing in their hoop skirts, society went off the rails. Have you ever heard Bob Marley? What language is that pothead speaking?

Diego Manischewitz:
It’s called the language of the hookup culture, ever heard of it? Read the Torah, for God’s sake. When you insert a weed into your butthole, it can teach you wonders about modern romance and how millennials today can’t seem to commit to a single person. But don’t worry mon, because instead you can commit to a weed and drink one weed juice a day to keep the doctor away.

Original Pancake:
First of all, that’s literally not how doing a weed works. What are you, some kind of hippie dippie idiot? Everyone knows that you scoop 2-3 teaspoons of weed particles, scientifically known as weedicles, into your belly button, and let them sit for at least 45 minutes. I’m not endorsing this, I’m just saying if you’re gonna slurp a weed, you better slurp it right.

Diego Manischewitz:
Next to the holiday celebrating the pilgrims sailing the ocean blue in 1492, 4/20 is literally the biggest and most important holiday in America. Doing a weed on 4/20 and clenching the weed in your fist really hard is as American as celebrity presidents. If you don’t do a weed, you’re going to get deported to Niagara Falls, but the Canadian side. Spooky.

Original Pancake:
Joke’s on you because I like the Canadian side of the Niagara Falls! I love tacky amusement parks and concrete. Plus in Canada I won’t have to do a weed for medicinal purposes because there’s free health care that’ll keep me spry as a spring chicken. You can buttchug a caffeine or punt a nicotine, but never, I mean never do a goddamn weed.

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