Connect with us
Connect with us

Illinois

This Whole University is Actually Owned by Scott Cochrane

Scott Cochrane’s name is one that instantly evokes feelings of jealousy. A mysterious guy who owns bars as as popular as Red Lion must be richer than the kids driving Lambos on Green Street, right? The fact is, Cochrane owns more than the campus bars. He owns this entire university, a bombshell fact just leaked to Black Sheep Wars by a former UIUC Administration official who used to work for him.

“The guy has dark money in every part of the university,” said an anonymous UIUC Administration official. “Isn’t it obvious? Where does a school come to afford a subpar football coach like Lovie Smith and value him at $21 million. Only the man who owns 90% of the bars and apartmens on campus could afford a football coach like that. Hiring a quality football coach would have been too obvious and would have blown his cover.”

There are so many signs that Cochrane owns this entire university. Those “undercover” cops who invade Cochrane bars are just actors, writing up tickets so there can be more revenue for the university to build bigger dorms, to bring in bigger classes of freshmen, who will in turn get more drinking itckets. It’s a genius business model, and one only a mastermind like Cochrane could cook up.

If you’re wondering why it’d be kept under wraps, just imagine how it’d look to prospective customers students. No one wants to attend a university run by a moneygrubbing real estate tycoon, especially when our country is currently being run by one. Now that we’ve exposed Cochrane and the university, it can keep being what it really is: a school run by the real-life Monopoly man.

Continue Reading

More from Illinois

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top