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Winter Break Perfect Time for KAM’s to Do Nothing About Cleanliness

Winter break is right around the corner, which means most KAM’s customers will be spread out across the suburbs of Chicago for a month, longing to hold another Blue Guy in their underaged hands. Some are wondering if KAM’s will use this downtime to perform a much-needed sterilization of its hallowed grounds.

“You’d think a place that could single-handedly revive the plague would use this time to, I don’t know, clean up a little?” said UIUC sophomore and KAM’s frequent flyer Dana Fields. “Sure, I’m used to the smell now, but what’s going to happen when I step foot in that place after a month of breathing clean air?”

Although KAM’s is one of the most popular bars on campus, it’s known for its constant putrid smell and large puddles of alcohol that form on its floor due to excessive icing out and lack of proper cleaning.

“I stopped going to KAM’s after I developed a foot fungus from stepping in one of the puddles,” said UIUC junior Sam Keaton. “But if they fixed the place up and I got a little drunk first, I could probably be convinced to go back. The drunk part is a given, but I don’t expect them to stop violating the health code anytime soon.”

When asked if the bar was planning on using winter break to work on improvements, KAM’s manager Richard Dickinson only had one word to say:

“No.”

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