As this climate change hoax appears to impact our environment, March is abnormally pleasant, and the Quad has become a nice place to be, rather than a shortcut for your walk of shame home from Urbana. We’ve all seen the UIUC brochure with a beautiful landscape of our ugly Illini Union with two students tossing around a frisbee, which seems kind of dorky. However is it better than just binging Stranger Things again? Should you, like, actually hang out on the Quad? The editors argue it out.
Diego Manischewitz: Why not hang out on the Quad? Back before our robot phones and sexting, we used to play on a wide field of grass while bullying the nerds during recess. College is the last time where it’s socially acceptable to lollygag in the grass like a little schoolgirl before you’re forced to fetch coffees for your daddy’s law firm the entire summer.
Original Pancake: I can lollygag wherever the fuck I want, and I’d rather not waste my precious time lollygagging with a bunch of virgin freshmen wearing the same “UIUC School of Engineering” shirts they got during welcome week and have yet to take off. Every time someone jumps on that weird slackline thingy on the Quad, they get rightfully left on read.
Diego Manischewitz: Those engineering majors may not be experiencing tatas too often, but they know how to spend the ten minutes of free time they give themselves by making memes and bragging about the school’s ranking. The Quad is an escape from real responsibilities like applying to jobs, doing your homework, and combing President Killeen’s hair. I can’t imagine there’s a better escape on campus than that.
Original Pancake: Telling me the Quad is an “escape” is like telling a caged tiger that his water bowl is a luxurious swimming pool. People who look for fun and nature on campus are the worst. The Quad isn’t a meadow, and the geese attacking you near Boneyard Creek aren’t majestic. Stop “adventuring” just to post it on your Snap story.
Diego Manischewitz: What do UIUC students do during the day anyway? Roll doobies and think about racist mascots? They’re wasting their life away in their luxury rooftop apartments in the twin towers of Green Street. Most UIUC students don’t even exist until 9 p.m. so they can stumble into Red Lion; it’d be nice if they got some fresh air on the Quad.
Original Pancake: Yeah but then I have to see dweebs frolicking on the Quad and it’s such an eyesore. Frisbee isn’t fun, so why pretend it is? Why is a Tibetan drum circle right next to a screaming Brother Jed? Why is LARPing a thing? The Quad provides disappointing answers to questions you thought you’d never have to ask.
Diego Manischewitz: Brother Jed is part of the charm of hanging out on the Quad. Aren’t you tired of the Russian trolls trying to convince you that Trump is doing a somewhat okay job at running the free world? Seeing Brother Jed live is like watching Disney on Ice, in my opinion.
Original Pancake: Okay but Brother Jed is the most Interesting Man on the Quad. The rest of the Quad is an expanse of dead grass where philosophy majors sometimes sit to watch the squirrels hump. As a person with culture and taste, I simply refuse to stoop to the level of slovenly Quad peasants.
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