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5 Reasons Why We Are All The Bird From Iowa City’s Newest Mural

Downtown Iowa City has a beautiful new mural! Located across the street from the historic Englert Theatre and around the corner from Studio 13, this painted masterpiece has everything: brightly colored flowers, whimsical forest creatures and, slightly off to the side, a big, beautiful bird that is honestly? So freaking RELATABLE! HERE IS WHY:

5.) This bird CLEARLY has social anxiety:
There is a MOTHERFUCKING RAVE occurring Down Stage Right of the mural and this bird is damn hesitant to enter the chaos. He got the Facebook invite and responded “maybe.” He’s keeping a wide berth from the party to assess the scene and is secretly wishing he was back in his warm nest, scrolling through Tastemade videos on Insta. He pops a Bird Xanax (one single sunflower seed!) and waits for it to kick in.

4.) This bird is lookin’ like a SNACK and he’s ready to hump:
His feathers are FLUFFED! His legs are SLENDER! And his head tuft? ERECT! This bird is out on the town, looking fly as hell, and is on the prowl for a weekend honey. He locks eyes with Mr. Snake and flirts a little with Ms. Ladybug because it’s 2018; love is ABUNDANT and the juices of the jungle are FLOWING!

3.) This bird is looking at The Java House and is contemplating entering the establishment:
Painted in Picasso-esque profile, this bird is permanently facing the famous Iowa City coffee shop and thus perpetually performing the “Should I walk into J-House, lose all self-control and order a white chocolate caramel vanilla soy chai latte and an apple cinnamon cheesecake scone, attempt to connect to shitty wifi for three hours, and then inevitably blast my entire asshole out into the toilet in the back OR should I just walk home?” dance we are all too familiar with!

2.) This bird supports the #MeToo movement, body positivity, and also votes in every election:
This bird is thiccc. This bird has a dad-bod. This bird has a thigh gap but also an Instagram booty and guess what? THIS BIRD IS PROUD! He embraces his curves and celebrates his unique and beautiful shape. And just like us, this bird thinks Louie C.K. is a predator and should not be allowed to continue to have a career in the industry. Finally, this bird is voting in Iowa City’s special election for City Council on September 4 because just like us, this bird knows that IT’S HIS DAMN CIVIC DUTY!

1.) This bird is carrying many, many diseases:
Histoplasmosis. Candidiasis. Cryptococcosis. St. Louis Encephalitis. Salmonellosis and of course, E.Coli. Like most University of Iowa students, this bird carries millions and billions of bacteria in its body every single day and is teeming with disease, yeasts and fungi.

Oh sweet, beautiful lonesome bird from the mural! We are so lucky to have you in our community for you perfectly and bravely represent us all. You are an icon, you are a wonderful token, you are a familiar and relatable friend. If you are downtown and pass by our bird, be sure to kiss him on the beak!

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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