Halloweekend has just wrapped up, and now it’s time for the real deal. Graveyards are rumbling with ghosts ready to come out and get fuckin’ wasted. Worried about fitting in with the creepy crowd? Here are five ways to really spook yourself out this Halloween night:
5.) Attempt to carve a pumpkin without a reference image:
Every year, you go to CVS and pick up a pumpkin carving kit with a little booklet of tracings. This year, you’re feeling reckless. Live life on the edge and carve that pumpkin using just your imagination. Make that pumpkin your bitch! It’s creepy enough to get a nice, big whiff of that rotten fart smell, but you’re also stuck extracting its seed babies. Think about it. You’re killing that pumpkin’s children. At best, you’ll end up with a Jackson Pollock-esque pumpkin, which is pretty spooky if you ask us.
4.) Visiting Happy Hollow Park:
Most Iowa City residents know about the Black Angel in Oakland Cemetery, but few are aware of the park across the street. During the day, it’s harmless, but late at night, ghost children frolic on the rusty playground equipment and play on the rundown baseball field. Swings creak, monkey bars groan, and the lost spirits moan. Kids eaten by a cannibal clown now find their final resting place among broken down, old play equipment. Be sure to check it out, but be careful who’s swing you’re sitting on!!
3.) Making out with a masked stranger:
You pray there’s a hottie under that mask so you can upside-down kiss into the sunset, but it can be hard to tell. You wonder whether your masked stranger is a zero or a hero, but you’re drunk enough to not give a shit about the big wart on their chin or their garlic breath. It’s ultimately worth it, even if you don’t end up finding the Spiderman to your Mary Jane.
2.) Going into FilmScene and discovering your friends as lifeless corpses:
Just like Halloweentown, Kalabar is flooding Iowa City with all of his spooky friends. He’s taken over the local independent movie theatre, and all of your friends have apparently gone missing, but you’re too busy keg standing at a barn dance to know about it. Suspiciously, the party is 15 people too short and non-human creatures have begun to roam the streets. You’re too drunk and high to notice, until you stumble into FilmScene on Halloween night and discover their lifeless bodies! Trés spooky.
1.) Lighting the black flame candle:
There will come a day when one Iowa virgin decides to light the black flame candle and release the Sanderson sisters into UI night life. While normally they prefer children, drunk students are almost as good, so the witches take what they can get. When Sarah Sanderson starts to sing “Come little drunk boys, I’ll take thee away into my garden of magic,” hoards of horny freshmen flock to her. Soon, the Sanderson sisters will consume the entire male population of Iowa City. Happy Halloween!
Halloween is when all the bad witches and bitches come out to play. Layer your apartment with lines of salt, drape garlic over your doors, slather on some fake blood, and check out the spooky corners of Iowa City this ghoulish Tuesday!
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