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The 5 Types of Hawkeye Roommates You Want To Avoid

Unless you’re the lucky and spoiled SOB who magically managed to score one of the few singles in the dorms, typical college life is having to share a shoebox with either someone you’ve met  once or someone who is a complete stranger. The dorms are your hunting ground for roommates, so pay attention. Here are 5 types of roommates The Black Sheep advises you to avoid signing a lease with at all costs for the coming year: 


5.) Hillcrest Laundry Hoarder:


Do you find your room smelling a little stale, and by stale we don’t mean the box of Gumby’s that’s been sitting on your desk for over a week.  What you’re smelling is your roomie’s never-washed dirty laundry. This is the type of roommate that NEVER does their laundry because the only laundry room they can ever find in Hillcrest is center and those machines are always taken anyway, or out of order.


4.) Stanley Smoker:


Do you ever walk through the halls at Stanley and get a big whiff of skunk and wonder where it’s coming from or who died? If you proceed to walk into your room you can finally figure it out, the skunk scent is your roomie smoking some weed. This type of roommate is the one that will smoke weed in Stanley and cause all of fire alarms to go off at 11p.m. and force all of the residents to exit, some even in their towels and shower shoes with bits of shampoo in their hair.


3.) Boisterous Banging Burge:


Ah yes, walking in on your roommate doing the dirty is one of the many things that will happen to you at least once in college.  Either that or you are awoken from what sounds like animals having sex less than five feet away from your bed, It’s happened to the best of us, and the worst. This is the type of roommate that will bring a different partner back to “Dirty Burge” every week, Thursday through Sunday. Getting’ down and dirty in Dirty Burge? Makes sense.


2.) Not Clean Currier:


This time it’s not the dirty laundry you’re smelling, and it’s certainly not the leftover Gumby’s, it’s *sigh* your roommate.  You think to yourself, when was the last time they showered?  Well the answer is never, you notice their shampoo and body wash bottles look unopened and their Hawkeye shower shoes still have the tags on them. This is the type of roommate that never showers because the showers in Currier are too old and too disgusting. How important is cleanliness anyway?


1.) Pretentious Petersen:


Does your room always somehow seem clean?  The sink has no rust ring, the carpet has no stains, and it still seems to have a new room smell?  Well, you must live in the newest dorm on campus, Petersen.  But how does your room stay so clean all the time? You sure as hell know you’ve never cleaned it once, but you know who probably has- your extra organized, extreme OCD, always nagging you to clean roommate. This is the type of roommate that is always cleaning and nagging you on how unorganized your side of the room is because they live in Petersen and they know the dorm is new and clean AF, it’s basically a hotel and your maid happens to be your roommate so maybe this one isn’t so bad, unless you like dirty looks and countless passive aggressive remarks about keeping your side clean…prepare for war.


Take a goooood look because the people in your dorm may or may not be your next year’s roomies. So fine tune those observation skills and get crackin,’ may the roommate force be with you.

Are you in class right now? Don’t worry, you can still leave.

Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016

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