Every University of Iowa student sits in their beds at night, tossing and turning, pondering about what the campus looks like from the sky. The Vue Rooftop doesn’t even come close to giving us the bird’s-eye view we crave. But don’t worry! The Black Sheep utilized it’s company helicopter and created a handy map of 6 things the UIowa campus looks like from up above:
6.) A dick, jazzing into the Iowa River:
Much like the majority of the student body at any given moment in time, the river is intoxicated. Trash, pollution and piss freely flows into the murky brown water; the city has been metaphorically jizzing into it for decades. How lucky are we?!
5.) A Hawkeye, cuz it wouldn’t be Iowa fuckin’ City otherwise:
The city bleeds black and yellow, and they even built the town in the shape of Herky. If the urban planners had been given a larger budget, it wouldn’t be a surprise if the rest of the area spelled “On Iowa!” and Coralville spelled out “Go Hawks!”
4.) A cloud of all the dead hopes and dreams of the entire student population:
We all know that guy who wanted to be a writer, but his parent’s told him he needed to go to medical school. You know that smell of maple syrup over by Burge and Currier? That’s the smell of that dude’s dreams disappearing into the shape of the city. If you look closely, Iowa City has been slowly expanding to accommodate for all the students who gave up.
3.) An ear of corn:
Is there really anything to say about this one? Iowa grows corn, Iowans love corn, Iowans built their town in the shape of corn. The streets of the city cross together to make each little kernel. Get any Iowan up in a chopper and they’ll be craving to butter up the city and take a big ol’ bite.
2.) A marijuana leaf that proves that UIowa truly wants to 4/20 every day:
Iowa wants to SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY. Why else would they have structured part of the city into the shape of the most popular leaf in the U.S.? Although the substance is still illegal, there is a 100% success rate of finding at least a pound of marijuana within the boundaries of this iconic city section.
1.) A middle finger that looks pretty much exactly like a dick:
Whoever designed Iowa City wasn’t the most classy city planner. They thought they’d be funny and flick off whatever birds that fly by, but instead their drawing became… well… this. It’s not exactly a hand or a blob or a dick. It’s just some shitty crossover between a crap construction worker’s “big plans” for the city and a mangled Olive Garden breadstick.
Unless you’re planning on being a pilot, you’ll probably never be able to see all of these totally real shapes for yourself. However, you can sleep happily at night knowing that whoever lives in the sky above Iowa City will always have a nice, fresh piece of corn or a grody dick to gaze upon.