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Iowa City is Warm, But Your Friend Still Won’t Go on That Morning Pentacrest Jog With You

After an extended, tedious winter, Iowa senior Ashley Jennings was excited to finally get back to her morning jogs around campus. However, not everyone shared Jennings’ excitement. 

“Throughout the winter, my friend Caroline said she didn’t like the rec because it smells like ‘old beef’. She promised me that once it got warmer she’d go on my morning Pentacrest jogs with me!” Jennings said. “But now that the warm weather is finally here, she REFUSES to jog!”

“Yeah, I still don’t want to fucking run,” revealed friend Caroline Spalding. “I actually loved how long winter lasted because it gave me an excuse not to wake up at 6 a.m. and run in circles around the Old Capitol with Ashley, “The Galloping Racehorse of Johnson Fucking County”. Now that Iowa City is warm, what’s my excuse?”

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In an effort to dodge the jog, Spalding has come up with several excuses this week such as “trapped inside the IMU ballroom”, “attending a nude exhibit at VAB”, and “faucet-style diarrhea”. However, Jennings is fully aware of Spalding’s avoidance tactics.  

“She’ll cave soon,” said Jennings. “I tell her every single morning to set her alarm for 6 a.m., and every morning she sleeps through it! Tomorrow, I’m just going to her apartment and waking her up myself.”

“It would literally be my worst nightmare if she found out I never set my alarm for 6 a.m.,” Spalding said. “I have an 8:30 in the EPB Monday, Wednesday, Friday. My mornings are already a living hell, why would I add more sadness and pain to my day?!”

Back in 2014, Currier roommates Jennings and Spalding used to run every morning in an effort to combat the freshman fifteen. “I just want to go back to the good old days, when Caroline and I would eat twelve Cosmic Brownies on our bunk beds and then jog those cals away together! ” commented Jennings. 

“That was back when we were freshman and had endless energy,” Spalding said. “I mean, that was before we got hangovers or like, had to pay rent. We didn’t have real problems and I’m NOT FUCKING RUNNING OKAY? I GRADUATE IN TWO WEEKS! NOBODY CARES ANYMORE!”

Spalding was last seen face down on the Pentacrest hill.

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