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Top 10 Songs to Help You Cope with the Impending Iowa Winter

With brutal winds and snow on their way, there’s nothing to do but cuddle up in bed and feel sad. Here are the best 2000s songs to play in preparation for the bitter Iowa winter:

10.) “I’m Not Okay” by My Chemical Romance:
If you’re being honest with yourself, the upcoming Iowa winter is truly making you not okay. Everyone is drinking pumpkin spice lattes and dreaming of fluffy, pure white snow blankets. All you can think about is terrible roads, negative temperatures, and numb limbs due to trekking miles to Union in a cute dress.

9.) “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down” by Fall Out Boy:
This winter is not coming without a fight. You act out a Rocky montage, including running up the Iowa Ave.’s hill, until you remember that seasons can’t be changed. Kicking and screaming against your pillow, tears flow down your face as you try to think of hot emo Pete Wentz to forget your troubles.

8.) “MakeDamnSure” by Taking Back Sunday:
Listening to this emo classic inspires you to take winter down. You may start to wonder if global warming is real, then why are negative thirty-degree temperatures predicted? You’d do anything to take back the winter, but without a weather machine or the sun on a rope, there’s nothing stopping you from sliding across the icy Ped Mall.

7.) “The Great Escape” by Boys Like Girls:
Maybe fighting the Iowa winter is a bad idea, so you throw it away and forget yesterday so you can make the great escape. If you save up all your money from working late shifts at Pancheros, maybe you can afford to study abroad in Italy for the winter! However, your bank account is emptier than your growling stomach so instead, you sit on your bed and wonder what it would have been like to leave the frigid weather behind.

6.) “Ocean Avenue” by Yellowcard:
It’s only 1,835 miles to the Pacific Ocean, and you wonder if the university will let you attend classes remotely! Things would be better if you could find the ocean, leave this town, and run forever. You’re ready for the waves to crash down and take you away, but your lack of money and car leave you stuck to mourn the loss of the nice weather. While Ocean Avenue does not exist, at least you can imagine it does when walking past the Iowa River.

5.) “Welcome to My Life” by Simple Plan:
It’s hard to think about other people in warmer places because it only makes you sadder. You feel hurt, lost and left out in the dark. It feels like you’re being kicked when you’re down and being pushed around. You’re about to be on the edge of breaking down with no one there to save you. No one understands this ultimate angst toward one Iowa season so there’ll be no saving you from this weather. No, they don’t know what it’s like…Welcome to your life.

4.) “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day:
Iowa winters definitely make you feel like you’re alone. The few hours of winter daylight cast your shadow: the only one that walks beside you. It’s that time of year to find a cuddle buddy, but there’s no one around you. You walk a lonely road, the only road that you have ever known: Burlington. Netflix and your Jon Snow body pillow will instead keep you company for the coming winter.

3.) “In Too Deep” by Sum 41:
“Cause I’m in too deep and I’m trying to keep all the snow above my head instead of going under.”  You know that your vintage Ugg boots aren’t going to protect you from the five feet of snow on the way to the EPB, but looking stylish is part of your Californian aesthetic. Snowshoes are out of the picture, so you’ll accept your fate of being buried alive. Maybe by blasting this song, a more prepared Midwesterner will rope you out with their “Iowa Winter Preparation Pack.”

2.) “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne:
As if the snow wasn’t bad enough, the winter also brings with it icy roads and crippling depression. Oh, Iowa…“Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?!” You pull out the ol’ black eyeliner stash and lay it on thick. If only the Iowa winter was a sk8ter boi so you could say “see you later boi!”

1.) “Numb” by Linkin Park:
The only thing you can think about is that in a few short months, you won’t be able to feel your arms and legs. Even bundled up in four layers of thick wool, the biting cold still eats through your clothes as you walk from Burge to the Main Library. You’ve tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter. The Iowa winter will come and your body will just have to adapt to having a cold ass.

Your emo soul screams out to the impending snow, ready to fight or cry the cold away. After listening to your 2000s playlist, you feel emotionally ready to host fall’s funeral before November comes. A couple more emo tracks and a few hundred more tears should thoroughly prepare you for the cold to come!

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