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JMU to Ban Overplayed “Bodak Yellow”

After serious consideration and mounting pressure from concerned students James Madison University has officially banned the hit song “Bodak Yellow” by Cardi B.

When asked about the recent development, university spokesperson Bill Wyatt had this to say:

“Look, we didn’t want the same situation we faced the past two years with these catchy, crowd-pleasing songs. ‘679’ and ‘Closer’ nearly drove the university– and frankly the world– mad. This simply can’t happen with ‘Bodak Yellow’. James Madison University will be a ‘Bodak Yellow’-free zone effective immediately.”

He continued:                                     

“Unfortunately, ‘Bodak Yellow’ simply isn’t a timeless classic that never gets old. It’s quite the opposite, actually. We’re not talking about ‘Gold Digger’ or ‘Mr. Brightside’ here. We would never consider an outright banning of those swell tunes.”

Dining locations like Top Dog, Dukes, and SSC who often play “trendy” music are expected to be hit hard by this ban, but Dining Services officials are “optimistic” that they will be able to catch it and change it by the first whispering of “Cardi.”

The Office of Resident Life is in the process of re-training their RAs to be more vigilant in the detection of the platinum record.  ORL will treat the playing of the song the same as possession of alcohol and drugs.

While the university can’t technically enforce this ban outside of campus, it strongly urges all members of the community to follow suit and also ban the playing of “Bodak Yellow” at all functions.

The initial concern stemmed from an injury to a student in an unnamed house on Greek Row in October. After a thorough investigation the university discovered that while dancing on an elevated surface a student fell and broke their arm after trying recite the “I put my hand above my hip, I bet you dip, he dip, she dip.” line.

The Black Sheep attempted to reach out to Cardi B, however, we were simply called “goofy” and was told “not to come around her way,” and we would never be able to “hang around her block.”

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