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JMU Begging Students to Turn Away Guests Halloweekend

JMU students are being bombarded with requests for plans for Halloween. A traditional that rivals any found during Homecoming week, students are constantly forced to come up with new excuses as to why their “friend” from high school can’t come and visit for the festivities.


JMU senior Alex Burkson’s excuses have become less and less creative over the years.

“Yeah, freshman year I really didn’t tell anyone they couldn’t come, so I ended up with 8 dudes in my dorm and really had no idea what to do. We tried to go out but we ended up back at Potomac at 11p.m. to play flip cup on my dresser door because we got laughed at when trying to get into a party. Ever since then I just tell folks no, there’s no shot they can visit this weekend. Has worked out so far.”


Freshmen, however, are much more naïve.


Mckenzie Johnson a undeclared freshman says she’s “so freakin’ excited to see her friends from home this weekend. I mean, I don’t ever get to see them anymore, so this weekend is going to be so lit. One is coming from UVa and the other is coming up from VCU. Apparently their Haloweekend isn’t nearly as lit as ours, so I figured I’d let them come stay in MGL with me.”


When asked if she was worried she noted:


“I mean; no. I did hear this rumor that like 78 strikes got handed out on the Friday of Halloweeked in Eagle in 2007, but I think we’ll be okay. I know most of my guests pretty well. Like, I’m pretty sure I had lunch with 2 of them in high school and I just didn’t want to say ‘no’ when they asked.”


All of this following an official JMU email sent out last Saturday. In it, the university urges that, regardless of their response to that random person from high school, students should take preventive steps to reduce the chance of contracting viral meningitis. Symptoms such as a stiff neck, nausea, fatigue, or vomiting should prompt a trip to the ER. However, the university would also like to remind students that under no circumstances should this visit be to the Health Center, as they will just diagnose students with strep throat.


When asked about the stiff neck symptom, frat star Chad Erec didn’t seem very worried.


“Stiff neck? Shit bro. What do you think? Am I gonna get some stiff neck this weekend? Haha, this guy. But seriously, yeah, dude definitely plan on getting some stiff neck this weekend. Going as my boy Hugh. WHERE MY BUNNIES AT THOUGH? Damn… Rest in peace, brother… still breaks my heart…”


Halloweekend is shaping up to be another recorded-breaking one with universities across the state converging on Harrisonburg. The university is advising to tell as many people as possible no they cannot come this weekend.


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