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12 KU-Inspired Pick Up Lines Sure to Get you Laid This Valentine’s Day

 

You’re at the Hawk, downing dollar shots of tequila and trying to forget about the impending doom of midterms and last night’s regrettable hook up, when you spot the hottest person you’ve ever seen standing in line for the Boom Boom Room. They’re out of your league, and you think there’s no way they would give you a chance. But once you drop one of these KU pickup lines on ‘em, they’ll see how witty and charming you are and will almost definitely want to have sex with you.

 

12.) “With muscles like those they should be calling you Strong Hall.”:

We’re starting out mild with this one. It’s sure to get a chuckle, maybe a phone number, but it’s definitely a conversation starter.

11.) “Are you my class on the fourth floor of Wescoe? ‘Cause I’m getting sweaty just walking up to you.”:

Aww, he’s nervous. That’s sweet. You might not get laid instantly but you’re setting the groundwork.

10.) “Are you E’s chicken tenders cause the second I walked in and saw you, I jizzed myself.”:

If someone is compared to E’s chicken tenders and they don’t immediately get naked, they’re not a true Jayhawk.

9.) “Ay girl how ‘bout you and I pull an all-nighter at my place?”:

Are you talking about studying? Are you talking about sex? They don’t know, but they really want to find out.

8.) “I’m just like your O-Chem exam—long, hard, and I can last for hours.”:

And you’ll probably cry when it’s over.

7.) “Are you Allen Fieldhouse? Cause I wanna be inside you and screaming.”:

Sports are sexy. They get the testosterone pumping and make people want to fuck. It’s a fact.

6.) “I’m on the Quidditch team.”:

Drop this line and you’re guaranteed to have mobs of people following you home pantsless. You might even get to be the seeker, if you know what we mean. 

5.) Your eyes are as green as the mold I found on my hamburger bun at E’s that one time.”:

Not only does this let them know you notice the little things about them, but you’re also conscious of what you put in your body, which is just what a potential sex partner wants to hear.

4.) “They didn’t nickname me “The Campanile” for nothing *wink*.”

It’s a blessing and a curse. If you have sex with them you might never graduate.

3.) “I’m like Safebus—I let drunk girls ride me all night.”

This one will probably earn you a drink in your face. But hey, if you have the confidence, go for it. Maybe it’ll work. 

2.) “My legs are like Anschutz—open 24 hours.”:

And I guess there’s nothing you can really do to keep the homeless out.

1.)” Call me Tyler Self cause I’m hoping to finally score tonight and earn respect from my dad.”

This one is good if you want to subtly hint that there are daddy issues in the mix.

What are you waiting for, Jayhawks? Go out there and charm some drunk 18-year-olds like the crafty pickup artist you are.

Yeah, we all have D.A.D.S., just maybe not the kind you were thinking of:

 

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