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The Black Sheep Interviews: The Drunkest Guy at Bullwinkles

 

This past weekend was certainly one for the books. Every Jayhawk as far as the eye could see dressed up in creative, elaborate costumes (sexy cowboys, nuns, the entire Scooby Doo gang) and partied with their friends at pre-games, house parties, and bars, making memories, or not. The Black Sheep got an opportunity to catch up with the star of the evening at one of Lawrence’s finest establishments, Bullwinkles. He was two Moose Bowls in and was working on a pitcher of Bud Light all on his own, sulking in the corner of the relatively small venue, cloaked in the shadows of the dimly lit bar. Luckily, for The Black Sheep, an opportunity arose for us in the spookiness of the Halloween weekend. 

 

The Black Sheep: Good evening, sir. How are you doing tonight?

 

Drunk dude: Oh, I’m riding the lightning my friend. Always a pleasure. You got some good hair, can I touch it?

 

TBS: Thanks, but no. So, how many Halloweens have you experienced in Lawrence now?

 

Drunk dude: Including this one, it’ll be about five or maybe seven I think.

 

TBS: Are you a fifth year senior then?

 

Drunk dude: No, I’m not a “senior,” I’m only like 29. 

 

TBS: Terrific. So do you make it to the Bull often?

 

Drunk dude: I got a buddy, and he loves to go out. I do too, and we like to come here.  I just love grabbing beer by the weekends. I’m a guys guy, right?  Couple brews, couple brahs, can’t go wrong dude!

 

TBS: Ah, so you’re a beer guy? What is your favorite flavor?

 

Drunk dude: Yeah, I love vodka. And tequila. 

 

*At this point in the interview, our friend had to take a petite break to get some fresh air and vomit a little bit. When he came back he seemed more energetic.*

 

TBS: Are you feeling a better now?

 

Drunk dude: Listen, I can hang. It’s Halloween, dude. I’m feeling like…I’m on cloud ten, okay? Like, I am a cloud ABOVE cloud nine, that’s how good I feel. The fire is in my belly bro. It’s…lit.

 

TBS: Never doubted you for a second! So like, what’s your major?

 

Drunk dude: I’m an expert in boinking your mom! HA! Hahahahaha! 

 

TBS: Excellent, thank you.  Just one final question before we sign off. Do you have any opinions on this upcoming election you’d like to share?

 

Drunk dude: I just wanna say that we gotta get those votes in dude. It’s like, so important that people fill in the bubbles and keep that jerk off out of that oval they’re always talking about. Grab this election right by the ballot, am I right dude? Anyway, I don’t think Trump should be president—he is super rude. But that one blonde lady…she doesn’t know what she’s doing either. She like, has too many suits in her pocket.

 

TBS: Same, man. Well, have a good night, and as always, Rock Chalk.

 

Drunk dude: Your mom! HA!

No, you can’t use shacking as an excuse for being “technically homeless.”

 

 

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