Picking a major isn’t just about what you’ll be studying during your college career—it also says a lot about you. We’ve decided to rename some majors to fit what they actually are, so you can make sure you’re projecting the right kind of stereotype.
Mathematics — “I hate myself.”
If you’re a math major, we feel bad for you son. We’ve got 99 problems but a calculus problem that takes hours ain’t one. Seriously, you’re about to spend years of your life calculating difficult math problems. Do you hate yourself?
Public Relations — “Shit, I need to pick a major.”
If you happen to have an embarrassing lack of skills, public relations is the major for you! You’ll be able to avoid the dreaded question of “what will I even do with that major?” because you can do literally anything. Want to run North West’s Twitter in a matter of years? Hit up this major.
History — “I just hit ‘Random Article’ on Wikipedia in my free time to study.”
You’re not even learning about new things here. You’re basically just memorizing facts about past events. Maybe you can look up past people in history who actually used their degree in the way it was intended for your next project.
Women and Gender Studies — “Woke AF.”
You better believe the best part about being a women and gender studies major is putting every conservative Twitter troll on blast with your vast knowledge of intersectional feminism.
Journalism — “I hate math and science.”
If you’d rather write a five page paper than do a single problem in math or science, you’re probably a journalism major.
Atmospheric Sciences — “Weatherman in training.”
We all know that your main goal is to be a weather forecaster on 13 News, or if you’re really goal-orientated, KCTV5 News. At least you’ll probably be more of a celebrity than someone majoring in theatre.
Political Science — “I just like to argue.”
Studies have shown that a majority of political science majors start every conversation with “well, actually…” It’s no surprise at all considering you love to argue if you’re a political science major. Consider yourself lucky, because although you probably hate our new president, the Facebook status wars are like a wet dream for you.
Engineering — “Hell on Earth.”
We really hope you aren’t into eating, socializing, or spending any time outside of the library because none of that will be happening if you’re an engineering major. At least there are some solid job opportunities? You also get to refer to yourself as an engineer, and that sounds official AF
Whatever your major may be, at least we can all still claim our minors as “getting trashed at the Hawk.”
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