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What Each KU Sports Team Would Be Like in Bed

The University of Kansas is notorious for our sports excellence. Whether you’re talking about our glorious basketball team, or our shitty football team, the Jayhawks are always a topic of interest. But you know what would them even more interesting? Imagining what the teams would be like in bed. Luckily, The Black Sheep has already figured out a play-by-play for you.

5.) The Football Team:
KU’s football team does more than fumble on the field. However, fumbling while in the sack is significantly worse. They suddenly lose control of the ball (or balls, in this case), and it presents a unique situation in which the football team actually comes first. Everyone involved is still significantly disappointed though, not unlike how they are in the actual games.

4.) The Golf Team:
While not the most popular sport on campus, it’s worth nothing that you can feel safe with the golf team when it comes to sex, mainly because they’re only focused on one hole at a time like they should be. They also make sure to approach the hole with caution in order to get that hole in one.

3.) The Quidditch Team:
The Quidditch team is vastly overlooked when it comes to potential hookups. Considering the game came from a book about a wizard, it’s safe to assume that they would pretty ~magical~ in bed. Quidditch is also played with a broom, so maybe if you’re lucky, they’ll bring it into bed with you… You know, to sweep you off of your feet.

2.) The Baseball Team:
Tight pants are already a plus when it comes to the baseball team. However, it does get a bit tiring when they refer to oral as them “rounding 3rd base.” At least you’ll be able to enjoy that until they get their confidence up enough to decide that they’ll go for a home run.

1.) The Basketball Team:
It doesn’t matter who you put on this team, because they’ll still continue to score. They effortlessly score multiple points in a night and they ensure that not a single minute goes to waste. Prepare yourself for these hookups, because considering how things have been going for the team lately, it should be no surprise that they’ll be coming in from behind while in bed as well. Yet while they may be great on the court and in bed, nothing makes up for the fact that they scream “alley-oop,” when they finish.

And remember, no matter what type of athlete you sleep with, don’t bother wrapping it up. You’ll want your kids to be earning scholarships.

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