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The Magician and 9 Other Gremlins in Every KU Class

KU offers a wide variety of classes, from the fundamentals of sculpting to ancient Russian literature. But what we’ve found is that across the board, the same types of students can be found in every class. Here are the 10 archetypes that appear in every classroom:

10.) Ol’ Reliable:
When the professor asks a question no one knows the answer to, you can always count on them to blurt out some nonsense and save you the embarrassment of getting randomly called on.

9.) The Magician:
This kid is smooth. They’re never paying attention in class. They’re sleeping, doodling, or have headphones in. Yet when they get called on, they magically pull something out of their ass. You think there’s no possible way the professor will accept a BS answer like that. But they do. And you’re left in awe.

8.) The Lover:
This person is the only reason you show up to class. They don’t know you exist, but you have fantasies where you feed each other grapes in a two-person hammock by Potter Lake. Each day you walk in and sit one chair closer until finally you’re right next to them and you muster up enough courage to say something, but end up blurting out, “I don’t think Baby Jay is all that great.” They’re disgusted. Oh well, there’s always next semester.

7.) The Town Drunk:
Their hair is messy and their comfort colors sorority T-shirt is stained. This person is obviously hungover after sucking down 3 moosebowls the night before. Every day at 10:20 they get up to go puke in the bathroom. Like clockwork.

6.) The Loose Cannon:
The loose cannon may or may not remind the professor that there was homework.

5.) The Mascot:
This person is decked out in KU gear. On Fridays before game day, you can catch them dressed head to toe in crimson and blue as if we actually have a decent football team. Nobody wants to be the one to break the news.

4.) The Ninja:
It’s nine weeks into the semester and you wonder why there’s a new student in this class. The professor calls them by name. Wait, have they been here the whole time? You sit at your desk and angry-think, but you swear this is the first time you’ve ever seen their face.

3.) Sexiest Person in The Class:
That’s you, obviously.

2.) The Joker:
This clown always has something hilarious to say. Whenever they crack a joke, which is often, the classroom erupts with laughter, usually ending in a standing ovation. The whole class loves them and is definitely not imagining gagging them with a sweaty sock every time they open their stupid dumb mouth.

1.) The Idiot Savant:
This person gets straight A’s even though you’re pretty sure you saw them puke into their own hands at the Hawk last night. They call their mom when they’re constipated “cause she’s a nurse!”

No matter which of the archetypes you fall into, just know that KU wouldn’t be the same without you.


Since when do college apartments have rooftop pools?


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