There seems to be a bunch of mixed feelings about Snap Maps. Some of us love being able to see that Jessica is with her fuck buddy at Taco Bell at 2 a.m., and some of us would rather not be reminded that our friends are getting laid and we’re not. But if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that there are some people we just do not want to see together when we open up Snap Maps in Lawrence.
Ugh, again, Ashleigh Lynn?! She knows that there are only two things you love in this damn town: Friday mornings when you get to go to your psych discussion section and spend an hour staring at your scruffy, square-jawed TA; and pretending you’re sophisticated by putting on a $20 Forever 21 dress and getting trashed off half-priced martinis at a fancy hotel. She’s ruining both.
What’s he doing there? Is he having a romantic evening alone, feeding squirrels and whistling the catchy jingles he writes in his free time for radio commercials? Is he taking blunts to the face while plotting revenge on the vending machine that stole his dollar? Maybe he’s homeless and sleeps in a hammock every night? Maybe he’s writing dark poetry? Maybe it’s Maybelline? The man is an enigma and the possibilities are endless.
3.) David Beaty in his home on game day, and his Bitmoji is sleeping:
Disappointed, but not surprised. Head David Beaty is in his home sleeping with one hour until kickoff and suddenly everything makes sense. If we can get our asses up at 9 a.m. on a Saturday for this game, (granted, we’re really just looking for excuses to day drink) so can you. Wake up, David, your team is confused. You’re getting a brand new $350 million dollar stadium so act like you deserve it.
Damnit he always does this! Your twin brother is likely pretending to be you in attempt to have sexual relations with your girlfriend, under the guise that he is you, in the Watson stacks. Carl, you creepy predatory asshole! Wait until Mom hears about this!
Ughhh are we really doing this again? Between the drug charges, assault, and domestic violence cases that some members of the basketball team were involved in last year, we do not need a repeat. All we want to do is cheer on our team without the guilty conscience of knowing that we’re supporting people who may or may not have done shitty things. Please, for the love of God, no more scandals. Ok? Can we do this please?
While creeping on Snap Maps is generally a lot of fun, you never know when you’re gonna see something you don’t like. It’s probably best you make like Danny Phantom and go ghost mode for a bit, ‘cause your friends are probably judging you just as hard for the amount of times your Bitmoji pops up at The Hawk.
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