Halloween is right around the corner, which means KU students will be celebrating nonstop for the next several nights. While Halloween for any college student is an excuse to wear costumes and get stupidly intoxicated, we mustn’t forget the true essence of All Hallows’ Eve. The building blocks of Halloween still consist of what frightens us most. With this in mind, the university is definitely in the Halloween spirit this year.
Okay, this obviously needs to be discussed. To make a long story short, killer clowns have been terrorizing the nation, and they certainly aren’t stopping at Jayhawk Boulevard. While there haven’t been any reports of actual danger perpetrated by these clowns but they are still running amuck in Lawrence, wielding weapons such as axes and baseball bats and standing on the medians of busy streets. This is downright insane. If you haven’t seen a clown yet, don’t write them off too quickly—with Halloween weekend looming before us, there are bound to be countless clowns chasing down all the sexy cats and Harley Quinns. To rebut them? Bring your own weapons along with you. Not only will it add a certain je ne sais quoi to your perfectly orchestrated Harambe costume, but it will also show any psychotic clowns you are not to be trifled with.
Trump Supporters and their Dumb Chalk:
November 8 could not come any sooner at this point. For several months now, some pinhead KU students have been walking around campus chalking the sidewalks with “Trump 2016” and “Make America Great Again.” You might notice that there has not been any chalking saying “Hillary 2016” or “Stronger Together,” and that’s because supporters of Trump are bullies, and their way of bullying is sharing with everyone and their mother that they support the Republican presidential candidate. What’s spookier than that? Clinton has this election in the bag, (the trick-or-treat bag if you will) so there is no need to fret too much. However, as you might be weary of the clowns this Halloween weekend, you should also be mindful of their equivalent—disciples of the biggest clown of all: Trump supporters.
Bye, Bye Bernie 🙁 :
Chancellor Bernadette Gray-Little announced recently that she will be stepping down in the summer of 2017 because she said she has completed her initiatives upon which she was set to embark. Bernadette Gray-Little, affectionately referred to as “Bernie” by KU students, is the first black chancellor and the first female chancellor. Since the university is preparing for her stepping down, that leaves many students wondering, who the hell could replace her? Amusing and intelligent, Bernie has struck a chord with many students at KU, if because of nothing else besides her appearance at Traditions Night where she drives a go-kart. It is a truly terrifying thought trying to find a chancellor to replace such a wonderful woman.
Uh oh, Here Come the Guns:
Aha! A fan favorite! In the midst of a wild combination of policies and politicians this year, it has been ruled that concealed carry will be permitted on all Kansas university campuses. This means that rightful gun owners can carry their firearm with them around campus and also inside buildings. Yes, this new legislation won’t come into play until July 1, 2017, but picture this: a numbskull Trump supporter, like the chalk-wielding ones mentioned earlier, talking about all the stuff he would shoot if he could just bring his gun to class. A conversation like this one might not take place exactly like this, but the idea alone is enough to spook the pants off of anyone.
Of course, there are upsides to this holiday. The first recorded frost of the season is set to take place Sunday morning, and that means the oak mites will finally die off—a blessing to one and all. Be safe and aware this Halloween, and make sure to recognize this special evening’s true meaning.