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7 KU Things This Year’s Freshmen Will Never Know About

 

Things are always changing on campus, and no we’re not talking about the color of E’s meatloaf from week to week. There are some things that used to happen here at KU that freshmen will just never know.

7.) Being able to find a goddamn parking spot:

They’ve demolished so many parking lots it’s not even fair. There was once an entire parking lot behind Anschutz, and it was convenient as hell. Unfortunately, KU Parking and Transit is an evil force that thrives on the misery of students and grows stronger each time a helpless sorority girl drives in circles around the Rec’s parking lot. It’s quite rude, actually.

6.) The bowling alley in the basement of the Union:

You might not have known it was down there if you hadn’t accidentally stumbled upon it while looking for the hidden Panda Express. It was mysterious and intriguing and you always meant to go there one day, but ultimately you had better things to be doing on a Friday night. Things like shotgunning a Raz-Ber-Rita and later puking just outside the bathroom of The Cave, obviously. 

5.) Shit dorms:

What’s up with all the luxury dorms these days? A few years ago we had to live in McCollum and Oliver. There was no Self or Oswald or… What’s the newest one called? Waking up every morning and hitting your head on pipes sticking out of the ceiling really takes a toll on your memory.

4.) The Legend of the Hawk Couple:

Granted, this was in like 2012, but the story of the couple that had sex in The Hawk will never die, and it’s our duty to continue their legacy. After all, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Just look at the state of our country. Their bravery and sacrifice will forever live on through stories, and also the perpetually semen-covered floor of the Boom Boom Room.

3.) Construction-free campus:

Believe it or not, there was once a time where there was barely any construction on campus. We had shit buildings and shit dorms and that’s just the way things were. But since KU wants everything to be all nice and expensive fancy, we now have to drive an extra three miles in detours just to get from Iowa to Mass St.

2.) Pizza Pub:

That one spot connected to The Oread that’s now Slice of Life has seen many a’ pizza places, but those who have been around the block will remember the blessing that was Pizza Pub. Weekly BOGO deals, late night delivery, and a prime location right next to The Cave, this place was the number one spot for 1 a.m. drunchies. Sorry, but Pizza Shuttle doesn’t even compare.

1.) A dope as hell Chancellor:

Bernie was the shit and we miss her dearly. Now that we have Douglas A. Girod, the future of our school seems unknown. We gave him the nickname “Hot Rod Girod,” but we’ll see if he can live up to the hype.

Though things are always changing around KU, at least we know one thing will always stay the same: the crippling debt waiting for us after graduation.

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