The University of Kansas is full of accomplished, respected, Nobel Prize-winning alumni, but at The Black Sheep none of that boring shit matters. The only thing we care about is how badly we want to get in their pants. In honor of Homecoming being on the horizon, we’ve compiled a list of the seven sexiest people to ever graduate from KU.
7.) Paul Rudd:
Of all the KU alumni, Paul Rudd is definitely the most famous, and nothing is sexier than fame. Anyone who says that man’s short shorts in Wet Hot American Summer didn’t get them wet, hot and bothered is a damn liar who we want nothing to do with.
This wouldn’t be a list of sexy alumni without including a woman who literally has sex for a living. She’s mature, experienced, and skillful. She’s everything you daydream about while pretending to listen to your professor lecturing about… wait, what class is this, human sexuality? Oh religious studies?…whatever. You might be pulling an all-nighter in Anschutz, but you’d rather be pulling an all-nighter with her.
5.) Clyde Tombaugh:
The man who discovered Pluto once walked down Jayhawk Boulevard, sang our Alma Mater, and likely had a lot of sex in the Watson stacks. And though Pluto was later deemed too small to be a planet, anyone who’s been fortunate enough to experience “Clyde’s wild ride” will tell you that size doesn’t matter.
4.) Danni Boatwright:
TV Host, Miss USA pageant queen, and winner of Survivor: Guatemala; Danni Boatwright is the full package. The thought of being stranded on an island with this Caribbean goddess makes our loins burn in primal lust. With abs so chiseled you could use them to wash your clothes, you don’t have to worry about the fact that you’ve prematurely jizzed in your Chubbies.
3.) Rob Riggle:
Riggle was originally number 5 on the list, but the reveal that he would represent KFC as the new Colonel Sanders bumped him up to number 3. There’s nothing sexier than a man who knows how to handle his meat. Plus, that silver hair is giving us serious daddy vibes. Take us to pound town, Colonel, and make it finger lickin’ good.
2.) Your dad:
He graduated from the business school in 1986, and he’s the reason you even got a bid from Kappa Sig. Now that dad’s weekend is coming up your DILF is celebrating his most recent divorce by getting shitfaced with under-aged girls at the Hawk. God bless daddy’s weekend.
1.) James Naismith:
The man invented basketball. He spit the original game. He scores on and off the court. He modeled the basketball after his own balls. If that doesn’t scream “sexy” to you, then what does? If you stare deep enough into his eyes, you can almost hear him thinking, “I have the biggest erection right now.” James Naismith is, without question, the sexiest person to have ever graduated from KU.
If we’ve learned anything from this list, it’s that KU produces some sexy motherfuckers and you should feel honored to be included in the bunch. Happy homecoming, Jayhawks.
Speaking of homecoming…: