Each year on February 14th there seems to be “love in the air” with couples everywhere being extra annoying by kissing at a crosswalk, holding hands on their walks to class, and hanging all over each other like a couple of orangutans at the zoo. These are happy couples, but what do you do when your significant other basically sucks? Whether they cheated on you, used you, or just aren’t grateful and treat you like crap, here are the best places to dump them this Valentine’s Day:
6.) Construction Zone at the Old Student Center:
Nothing says “I’m breaking up with you” quite like getting dumped next to a site where there is constant beeping and rubble being thrown from the rapidly decaying building. Tell them you came to this spot because the crumbling down of the walls resembles your feelings for them, and you wanted to represent this in a visual way.
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5.) Behind the Dumpster at the 90:
When you can’t stand that clingy boyfriend or girlfriend anymore, tell them to meet you “somewhere special” and drop a pin to give them your location. Tell them to come around the back where they will find you standing behind a dumpster. This one will stink both literally and metaphorically.
4.) While You’re Walking Back From K-Lot:
We all know how much parking in K-Lot blows, but why not make the walk back to campus suck a little more for your lover by actually breaking up with them on your way back. Just tell them you’re thankful for the quiet walk and fresh air, and lay it right on ‘em.
3.) While On A Romantic Date to McDonald’s:
Tell them to get all gussied up, because you have a romantic date prepared for them. Put a blindfold on, and when you arrive into the fine dining area inside McDonald’s, voila, take that blindfold off and surprise them with a cold McChicken. For a big finish, say you didn’t feel like they were worth more than $1 and take the mediocre chicken patty as your parting gift.
2.) In An Uber That They Paid For:
After an exciting night out on the day dedicated to love, convince them that you should take an Uber home back to your place. Say your phone died and have them call the Uber. After they pick you up, right as you are about to reach your destination, tell your S.O. that it’s over and they should actually just go home because you can’t stand to be around them anymore. Free ride home for you!
1.) At a Basketball Game:
This year there isn’t a basketball game ON Valentine’s day, but there IS one at home on February 9th against Georgia. Tell your lover that you’ve made a secret sign for the game that they aren’t allowed to see until you arrive. Then unveil your masterpiece saying “They just got dumped on live TV” and hold it up when you see the cameraman pointing at you. You’ll be famous and won’t have to go through an awkward verbal breakup. Everybody wins.
If you use one of these places to break off that unstable relationship you’ve unfortunately been a part of for far too long, beware that some people may think you’re just a jerk. However, you will be happy and single, and will not allow someone to treat you like any less than you deserve! Three-cheers to being alone on Valentine’s Day, and being more than satisfied about it.