As many of you Wildcats know, March Madness is in full swing, though it is not something we want to talk about right now (still trying to figure out what to do with the couches we had ready to burn on State Street). So we at The Black Sheep decided to have our own bracket because fuck the real one. Seriously. Don’t even. To make things a little more interesting, this bracket consists of the shittiest things at our school that we love so dearly. Here was how they matched up:
(1) Lextran vs. (16) Funkhouser Parking Meters:
Funkhouser meters are conveniently placed, but only let you pay for 45 minutes, when our shortest class is 50 minutes. Lextran offers free transportation to all UK students, yet good luck ever getting to class on time! Both are evil, Lextran is just slightly more, so it takes the win here.
(8) Willy T. Security vs. (9) UK’s Alcohol Policy:
Did you know library security will yell at you for falling asleep in the library? The only thing more bullshit than this is UK’s policy on alcohol and the steep fines for getting caught with it on campus.
(4) Student Center vs. (13) Dorm Construction:
Ironically these both deal with extremely annoying construction, but having to pay a majority of our student fees to a building that no longer exists pisses us off beyond belief.
(5) Meal Swipes vs. (12) Financial Aid Office:
We sure love starving because of the shit meal swipe system in place (one entrée at Panda? Really?), but how can we ignore the sheer ineptness of the financial aid office. Guess we didn’t truly need our scholarship money anyways…
(2) White Hall Stairs vs. (15) The Towers:
We’re pretty sure the sheer sight of Blanding/Kirwan towers triggers severe PTSD, but thankfully is contained to those who lived there. Most students have to deal with the White Hall stairs at least twice a week, giving it the win.
(7) C Passes vs. (10) Bowman’s Den:
The Holy Grail that is the C Parking Pass is nearly impossible to come by, however, it doesn’t stand a chance to the wonderful eyesore that the temporary Bowman’s Den provides to tour groups and current students alike.
(3) K Lot vs. (14) UK’s Internet:
UK’s internet is a hit or miss, though in the dorms it can be exceptionally bad with all the young freshman bogging down speeds with copious amounts of porn. We can’t even begin to describe the unadulterated hell that is K Lot; it win’s this round hands down.
(6) Aramark vs. (11) Blazer Elevators:
Blazer elevators are probably the scariest on campus, and it is not uncommon to be stuck in them, however our privatized dining company Aramark has done so much devastation it is impossible to ignore. New K-Lair. Need we say more?
(1) Lextran vs. (9) Alcohol Policy:
First time alcohol offenses are met with a watered down version of AA, second time earns you a 10-hour class. Yikes. Thankfully these classes can be avoided by using some brains, whereas Lextran provides torture to a wide variety of students. What’s even worse is when you are on the #15 your way home after a long day of class and the driver ALWAYS stops to take a 20 minute break. Kill us now please.
(4) Student Center vs. (12) Financial Aid Office:
The gaping hole in the ground that is our student center is hard to be topped when it comes to disappointment, except when compared to the long lines at the financial aid office. Oh you thought it would be easier to call in? Hope you enjoy sitting on hold for 45 minutes before talking to someone who can’t even give you a clear answer as to why your grant money is MIA. We need to eat, people!
(2) White Hall Stairs vs. (10) Bowman’s Den:
The stairs of White Hall provide the leg day we all probably need, but so desperately can’t deal with on our way to a soul-crushing recitation class. But if you thought the stairs looked dank and grim, Bowman’s Den is the most depressing place to be with its cold, metal interior. It’s a mixture of a high school cafeteria, and a prison. It’s almost poetic, and no one enjoys being there.
(3) K Lot vs. (6) Aramark:
Aramark has been dropped off contracts with prisons because they were so disgusted with their food and company practices. Good pick, UK. However, Aramark can at least be avoided by living off campus and being able to cook your own meals. K Lot has to be dealt with by residents and commuters alike, being sure to ruin everyone’s day.
(1) Lextran vs. (12) Financial Aid Office:
It always seems like either there are six buses that come all at once, or you’re stuck waiting forty minutes in the rain for a bus that you question exists. The financial aid office deals with the same major issue of waiting, but at least when you’re waiting for the bus, you know that you’ll make it to campus at some point. But waiting at the financial aid office is a gamble. Will they actually get anything done today? Who knows! At least the Lextran is free nowadays, and it’s not so bad on beautiful days where you can walk practically anywhere you want the bus to take you. Both of these things are huge time wasters, but Lextran is avoidable, unlike the financial aid office, and that makes the financial aid office just a little more horrible, but only a little.
(10) Bowman’s Den vs. (3) K Lot:
Both of these awful places again deal with waiting and long-ass lines where you paid stupid amounts of money to do so. We’re sure you enjoyed dropping close to $300 to park miles away from your classroom buildings. Even more money on a meal plan you can’t even use to get lunch at one of the only places on campus with decent food options. Bowman’s has a Starbucks (even though no matter how long the line is, it always takes an insane amount of time), and a Chik-fil-A, so it at least has a few redeeming qualities. Plus if you’re lucky, you may even spot trenchcoat kid munching on a Panda bowl. It’s like seeing a celebrity! K lot is just full of pissed off, road-raging college students ready to kill for a parking spot near the bus stop.
(12) Financial Aid Office vs. (3) K Lot:
These two things suck. A lot. Like imagine a day having to park at K Lot to go visit the financial aid office in Funkhouser. But despite the sheer lack of giving a shit most of the time and having to visit the financial aid office countless times to ensure your funding is being taken care of, at least this tends to be an area we only have to deal with at the beginning of the year. The horrors of K Lot begin horribly as the semester starts, but it never ends. As long as kids are still actually coming to class, be prepared to drive up and down the isles aimlessly, stuck in purgatory and losing your attendance grade.
K Lot: The shittiest thing on UK’s campus!
We can all agree that K Lot has absolutely no redeeming qualities. And with UK eliminating more and more on campus parking, more students are subjected to this hellhole. Maybe someday we can hope that UK tries to fix its current parking issue, but the future doesn’t look bright. But hey, more multi-million dollar dorms and a brand new student center, right? Just good luck getting to campus to enjoy them.
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