LEXINGTON, KY – THROWING his palms up in the air, University of Kentucky student Miles Parson repeated to reporters, “Hey, you never know!” Before the conclusion of our interview.
An anonymous source reported to The Black Sheep earlier today that Parson, a freshman at the university, and user of the popular dating app ‘Tinder’ had swiped right for a girl without confirming the identity of the girl, ‘Cara,’ before swiping. According to our source, each of Cara’s four photos she had chosen for her tinder profile were group photos with the same three girls, one of whom was pretty cute, one being alright, and the third only being able to be described as, ‘Yikes.’
Parson was quoted as saying to one of his buddies, “Hey, she could be the cute one, right?”
We spoke to another of Parson’s friends, who said, “You know it’s a real shame. You think by the time a kid gets to college he’s got a bit of common sense in him, but it appears that isn’t the case. You just don’t swipe right for group photos,” and he added, “You just don’t do it.”
When we spoke to Mr. Parson, we asked what exactly his intentions were with this swipe: “Look, I just figured she was the cute one. I mean, only one of them wasn’t that good looking. I mean, they were all blonde, and I like blondes. What’s the big deal?”
Cara’s bio gave no hints as to her identity in her profile photos, noting only that she’s, ‘A sweet southern belle looking for a sweet southern man,’ and that if you’re ‘Looking for a one night stand, I’m not your gal.’
Prior to our meeting with him, Mr. Parson had received a match from Cara and promptly received a message saying, “Hey you :)” This led to a lengthy although mostly superficial conversation between strangers who likely have nothing in common:
Sources say Cara is an Equine Science and Management major with Parson being a pre-law english major. Their favorite foods were cheesy-bacon grits and lobster, respectively. The two even hail from different parts of the country, Cara being from right here in Kentucky and Miles being from north country Vermont. Alas, it must have been fate that caused them both to swipe right, as the last message they exchanged read, “See you tonight.”
Our team was on the spot to witness the meeting of these two star-crossed lovers. We watched from afar as Parson nursed a hot chocolate at the Willy T Starbucks, awaiting who he hoped was ‘The Cute One’ to enter through the door. A few minutes after they were scheduled to meet, she arrived. And there’s no sugar coating it: she was not ‘The Cute One’. She wasn’t even ‘The Alright One’. She was ‘The Yikes One’.
At the time of this article being written, Parson and Cara had found exactly zero common interests, and he had received seven texts from friends also in the coffee shop all with sentiments similar to, “I told you so.”