The weather is chilling and the leaves are turning orange. Whatever pumpkin concoction you can imagine exists, and the seasonal aisle is filled with giant bags of candy meant for you to pass out to strange children, when in reality you finish off a mega bag of Kit-Kats while binge watching South Park on Hulu. Since this amazing holiday will soon be here, it’s a good idea to start thinking about that costume, and start saving, because everyone knows less fabric equals higher price tags! Here at The Black Sheep, we want to help you ladies get a head start on all your friends and be sure to bring home the cutest guy of Halloween night.
10.) Sexy Hamburglar: This costume justifies indulging yourself on dozens of hamburgers. Sexy hamburgers. Guys love a lady that can handle her meat, and horizontal stripes are slimming, or something.
9.) Seductive Willy Wonka: The perfect costume for those who like to spend time with little people, stuff their face with candy, and have daddy issues. A perfect combo that every guy at the University of Kentucky is sure to love.
8.) Sassy Patrick Star: Nothing says, “Hi, let’s bang” like being a fat, pink starfish that is dumber than rocks. H-O-T is what you’ll be in this oversized latex-and-foam jumpsuit.
7.) Miss Mario: Everyone’s favorite Italian plumber has just unlocked a new achievement: gender bending! Now you’ll be ready to save that prince in overalls yourself. What do you mean she’s in another castle, Toad? Guess that means we’re going to a new house party. Don’t forget the mustache.
6.) Hottie Orphan Annie: Who doesn’t want to spend some time with that adorable little ginger? Just be sure the boys bring some very fat stacks, because Daddy Warbucks needs some competition for your affection.
5.) Temptress Elmo: The costume that allows you to be completely self-centered and narcissistic because it really is all about you! Being that adorable red monster all grown up is sure to make the Wildcats purr with affection.
4.) Busty Buzz Lightyear: A boy’s favorite plaything for when he gets too big for his toys. Be sure to purchase the additional Taser laser that goes along with the costume for full effect. It’ll help keep the big creeps away!
3.) Porno Pikachu: Sure, it may be borderline bestiality, but who wouldn’t want to catch this little creature? Every Wildcat knows you gotta catch ’em all: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and so forth.
2.) Sultry Olaf, of Frozen Fame: Who doesn’t want to be a snowman this year when that creepy, living snowman is you? Don’t forget your lovable catch phrase! “Hi, I’m Olaf, and I like to f*ck!”
1.) Barney Babe: Everyone’s favorite purple dinosaur that everyone is clamoring to get their hands on! “I love you, you love me, let’s go have sex behind that tree.” Yeah, you can finish the rest of the song.
May your Halloween evening be filled with liquor, candy, liquor-soaked candy, and a regrettable night with those four guys dressed up like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.