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5 Places to Look for Your Missing Tiger Card after Game Day

Game days are stressful for everyone; especially students. While Coach O does have to worry about leading LSU football to “dub nation” in front of 102,321 of his closest friends, students have much more on their plate. Of the copious tasks and responsibilities students take on, keeping track of your Tiger card is without a doubt the most challenging. If you’re like most students and wake up Sunday morning on a damp futon wearing only your shoes, but missing your Tiger card, here are a few places you should look:

5.) Union Bathroom:

After you’ve drunkenly fallen asleep over a bowl of Panda Express in the Union on game day, you probably sprinted to the bathrooms to eliminate the 20 pounds of General Tso’s chicken and six cases of Keystone Light. In this process, your Tiger ID was probably thrown or flung onto the floor of the Union bathroom as a result of your poor decision making.

4.) Wedged Into the Side of Louie’s:

3 a.m. Six orders of super hash browns. Tarnished reputation. Missing Tiger card. After slamming down enough carbs to float the Titanic, there’s a good chance your Tiger card was haphazardly spiked into the walls of Louie’s Café for a reason that scientists and diner chefs alike are still unable to identify.

3.) In Between the Indian Mounds:

If you go to LSU, you know that this isn’t a football team that wins the first half of the game. You also know that the reason LSU prevails in the second half of games is because students will actually leave the game half way through to perform sacrificial rain dances in between the Indian Mounds in hopes of a Tiger victory. There’s a good chance your ID is here, lying between the mounds just as you were in the third quarter of the game.

2.) In a Nick-Saban-Shaped Target:

If you attended the B*ma game, or have been alive for the last several years you’ll understand that Nick Saban is a name not to be said aloud on this campus. For this reason, target practice with a Nick Saban shaped bale of hay is a great stress reliever and outlet for aggression with LSU students. If you ran out of bullets or arrows, your Tiger ID is sure to be wedged into a Nick Saban target similar to the way magicians throw playing cards at shit.

1.) An Actual Coffin:

After a long day of sprinting from one poorly erected tent to another on the parade grounds, death is not feared; it is in fact welcomed and expected. After looking like a corpse on game day, a funeral was held in your honor and your Tiger ID is most likely in a coffin, waiting to be retrieved.

With football season coming to a screeching, sober halt, hopefully you will lose your ID’s less and begin your calendar countdown to next football season when you can misplace your Tiger card in increasingly questionable places all over again. If your ID isn’t in any of these places, it’s gone forever, similar to your will power and motivation at this point in the semester.

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