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5 Rules of T-Shirt Night

If you’ve ever been to T-shirt night, you know there are unspoken rules of apparel that Reggie’s strictly enforces. Now more than ever they are laying down the law. They have recently hired an apparel bouncer to make sure people bounce the fuck out if they don’t fall in the following categories:

5.) Love Shacker:
We get it Juulie, you’ve made your way down the row, you philanthropic star. You’ve accumulated so many shirts that your friends are shocked when they check your location the next morning and find you at home instead of at one of your usual hotspots. Your 3 suggested Uber destinations are Wildwood, Arlington, and somewhere along Dalrymple but your ass lives in Sterling. One of your past hookups had to keep his door locked during Parents Weekend, because you broke his bottom bed frame within the first week of school and his bed now sits on a slant. Definitely resume worthy for graduate school.

4.) Tennis Tourney Skirts:
Lululemon violently threw up on you. Rest in pieces to your white skirt, honestly what the fuck were you thinking bringing this out. Oh wait, it’s the only thing people can use to spot you out, because you decided to go a few shades darker of tan this week. This type of shirt go-er is the type of person that parks themselves next to the bar and orders blue motorcycles all night. On the outside she may seem a little timid, but it’s just a front she puts on. This girl will hook up with you and then say she needs to go find her friends, but what is she really doing? Yeah, she now is in a corner hooking up with some other dude. She’s just living life, buy her a round the next time you see her and maybe she’ll invite you to her next tennis match.

3.) Bad N Boozie:

We get it Elizabeth, you do the alcohol. Sure, it’s only beer and wine on Thursday nights, but tonight is Monday and you didn’t come here to socialize. You had two FourLokos before coming out, so now you’re ready to actually start drinking. You have a 10-15 minute speech on Momentum Transfer at 8 a.m. tomorrow followed by a Thermodynamics quiz as a break in between your Fluids and Strengths tests, but you knew you were fucked back when you picked your major. Do yourself a favor and get shitfaced at the very least. You may be wearing a Bud Light shirt, but there is nothing light about you or this night. This isn’t Bama, so go get em tiger.

2.) Walmart Animal Shirts:
Their shirt is not an invitation to the wild side, but more of a “I came here to wild out and you can join me if you want, but I honestly don’t give a fuck what you do,” type of shirt. They don’t deal with any bullshit, which is hard to come by, so don’t give them any in the first place. All right, now go jump into the wild with them and get to making like the animals do. “Yee-haw,” is what you’ll be saying by the end of the night if you are lucky enough to be lassoed in by one of these rare specimens.

1.) For my motherfucking bros:
Don’t think we forgot about this little number. Grab your snazziest polo and freshest khakis. This casual style is always a safe bet. Not only is this a Monday night go to, but also an everyday go to. It’s a little irritating and bit cringe to see guys in the same khaki pants 5 days in a row, but you can always play it off and say you have 5 pairs. Although it’s hot as balls, khaki pants never go questioned. The khaki pants can also be replaced with cargo shorts, so feel free to wear whichever at your leisure.

Reggie’s is done playing games, but so is someone else. “Those who are not in one of the said categories by next T-shirt night will ultimately be reported to The Office of Student Advocacy and Accountability,” said Reggie’s manager.

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