When it comes to the world of LSU fashion faux pas, classroom Chacos are a grave offense. No hate on the brand; Chacos are durable and comfortable. However, were they made for Lockett-level terrain? No. It’s hard enough to drag yourself to class everyday, much less see what your classmates toes look like when they wiggle. Simply put: most feet are offensive, especially the feet of strangers. Chaco-wearers, if you could do literally anything but wear your Chacos, fucking do it. If your mind is incapable of a world without Chacos, here is a definitive list of your alternatives to the Chaco lifestyle.
5.) Get A Perm:
Sure, perms are a bit aged, but so are shoes modeled after Ancient Roman footwear. I would rather a classroom of perms, blocking my view of the teacher and the smartboard, then suffer the idea of your sweaty toe smell wafting into my nostrils.
4.) Give A Testimony:
Don’t you just love it when you’re in class or the Quad, and someone stands on an elevated surface to give their testimony? God, fuck no. But if it keeps you from flashing your hairy feet in my face, then by all means, give me your life story. Tell me about your turning point, every high and low, and I’ll eat that shit up. Anything but your goddamned Chacos.
3.) Wear A Duster:
Alright, maybe you can’t help but wear your Chacos to class. Here’s an alternative: let your clothes cover them. Wear a floor-length duster and you’re in the clear. If they’re out of my sight, so be it. They say ignorance is bliss.
2.) Openly Watch Porn In Class:
Yes, I would rather sit behind someone surfing PornHub in class with the volume on than bear another 50 minutes of Chaco viewing. Am I putting this into perspective for you? Your Chacoed feet are more offensive than “Hot Redhead Takes 27 Dicks In 32 Minutes.” Marinate on that for a minute.
1.) Beat A Dead Horse:
At this point, you get the message. Chacos in class are a heinous crime, and frankly we’d all rather you beat a dead horse in the middle of the Quad then ever see those multicolored straps cross between your toes ever again. Spare us all, spare the horse, and toss the shoes.
It’s hotter than the devil’s taint right now, and it may be tempting to let your feet breathe on the walk between your car and your classes. Suck it up, wear socks, and wear some other shoe. Take one for the team this week, my Chaco-lovin’ Tigers.