Unless you’re the type of college student [demon] who gets off on running six miles around the lakes at 5 every morning, followed by a vegandairy-freewheatgrasskalechiaseed smoothie thing, then you already know that going to a class before 11 a.m. is one of the most brutal forms of torture any student can endure. The Black Sheep is here with five easy DIY hacks so you can leave your place as late as humanly possible.
5.) DO go to class with the make-up on from last night:
Want to sleep in longer while still looking like the fiercest betch in the club? Then forget any negative myth you may have heard about the dangers of passing out in your makeup, and rock that morning time smoky-eye! Yeah, you may get a nasty little zit from doing so and/or look like Marilyn Manson, but hey, at least you made it to class feeling slightly more awake and dressed.
4.) Have your stoner friend who never goes to class to drop you off right in front:
Everyone has that one stoner friend who wakes and bakes and then finds more important things to do with their morning than go to their LA history class—like make it in time for Chick-fil-A breakfast or watch Riff Raff eat ghost peppered chicken wings on YouTube. Screw the slow and overly crowded bus, and instead, phone your favorite stoner to drop you off as physically close to your building as possible.
3.) Personal hygiene can wait:
Sometimes you’re just realllly tired from pulling your all-nighter or going out (refer to #5 for further tips), and you’re left with no choice but to be a filthy mongrel for the next few hours in the quad. Skip the shower and toothpaste, and invest in a shit ton of dry shampoo and breath mints. Your greasy hair can wait. But spare your peers and sit your nasty ass in the very back of the Cox building for that 50 minute lecture.
2.) Park at some crowded store or restaurant that is basically on campus:
You may be thinking: Oh and risk getting a fat ticket? No thanks. But here’s the thing: everyone knows LSU parking spots are as rare as finding a freshman sorority girl who doesn’t have on the same thing she essentially wore yesterday. As long as you don’t leave it overnight, or park at Newk’s, you’ll be just fine!
1.) Skip out on your nutritiously prepared breakfast:
Okay, we lied… maybe you can’t have it all. Look, we know you won’t be able to eat until 3 p.m. and will want to murder the girl from class who is always eating McDonald’s right in front of your famished face, but sometimes you’ve got to make sacrifices in order to make it to class on time. We all know attendance is for some reason, a thing now. So either grab a handful of Cheez-Its on your way out the door or GTFO.
Be sure to listen to the doctors and get ALL the sleep you can get. It rocks.
Never been so happy to go to school in the south.