You’re in college, obviously broke, but still investing in it in hopes of maybe making something out of your pathetic self. Access codes to an education? Hmm, thought access to an education fell under the tier of tuition. So, why contribute to Pearson and friends poser “access codes to education,” when you can invest in something real, Yeezy Boost 700s.
6.) QSXAZ2 — Spanish:
You had to cough up $215 to have access to a Sims game. This doesn’t just cost you money, but also 2 hours of a migraine from being on hold with McGraw-Hill customer service, because you can’t find Pepe in the plaza. Maybe you could though, if you we’re running around in a dope-ass pair of Yeezys.
5.) ASCFX3 — Chemistry:
You’re now 25 with early onset cataracts, 20/200 vision, and a LASIK pre-op appointment, because in college you had to balance ionic compounds via computer screen. Your vision is gone and so is that online textbook. Coulda had some Yeezys instead.
4.) BUTTS5 — Psychology:
For a month’s paycheck, you get limited time access to an online textbook along with limited attempts to do your homework. Surely, this must include an access code to the nearest psych ward, because you’re about to go Stanford Prison Experiment on Pearson dot fucking com without any goddamn Yeezys on your feet.
3.) WHAT?4 — Accounting:
You, yes you, you’re as exciting as a boring hermit, so here you are paying for accounting access codes. Oh, you meant to put a comma instead of a period? Sorry, your three attempts have been exhausted: 0/10. So, on that note good luck getting that Bachelor’s degree when you have to retake Acct 3001, pay for another access code, and stare longingly at all of your friends’ new Yeezys.
2.) BFTYZ5 — Statics:
Mastering Engineering? Well, you wouldn’t know much about that, but you have mastered searching the depths of Chegg for that homework you have due at 11:59 p.m. After an hour and a half, you solve your last problem to only get it wrong, because you didn’t round to the correct number of significant digits. Any bridge you build will undoubtedly collapse and it’s because you paid for codes and not for cool Yeezys.
1.) FUCKU9 — Turning Point/TopHat:
Paying for access to be marked present in a class that you’ve paid for and are enrolled in? Well, duh, college isn’t free, but neither are Yeezys. Only difference is that you’ll have to renew your 1 year TurningPoint subscription, unlike Yeezys that won’t just disappear from your closet after finals week.
Stop wasting your money on access codes, Yeezys don’t expire at the end of the semester AND they get you laid.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.