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6 Things To Invest In Now That TOPS Is Saved, and You’re Not Too Broke

Up until this past Sunday, lawmakers were making it very appealing to put a “Roll Tide” bumper sticker on your car. Now that you can invest in a sigh of relief, what else can you invest in? Here’s a list of a few things The Black Sheep thinks is worth your investment:

6.) Yourself at Juban’s Happy Hour:
$8 bottomless mimosas? With a TOPS reduction no longer looming, you now have $2,000 something to invest in well, yourself. Specifically, yourself at Juban’s Happy Hour.

5.) A GoFundMe for a library that isn’t decaying exponentially:
You honestly should visit the SHC if you’ve ever made skin contact with really anything in Middleton. It’s 2018, the dirty Dell’s need to geaux, and so does the establishment. The 1970’s called: they want their porno-set back.

4.) A fully trained staff for Bud’s Broiler to open already:
The daily tease of driving down Nicholson and seeing a vacant Bud’s is just rude. They’re still training their staff, they say? You literally flip a burger and then do it again. No, this shouldn’t cost you a penny. Pick up 5 friends with a pulse and drop them off at Bud’s and there’s your staff.

3.) More than one pair of Lululemon shorts to wear to your Summer class:
Becky, 3 rows and 1 seat over to your left in your 26 person class is definitely passing judgement. A gift card to and from yourself is absolutely necessary.

2.) Donation to the intellect of Ole Miss:
Change is a part of life, Ole Miss knows that. That’s why they changed their mascot to a Landshark. The problem is they still refer to themselves as the Ole Miss Rebels. Which one is it?

1.) Attorney fees for Bleachers Bar’s inevitable bankruptcy filing in the Bermuda Triangle of Chimes Street: 
What will it take for business owners in Baton Rouge to learn? Stay away from this building! It’s been Mahoney’s and Reginelli’s in recent years, and the list goes on before that. Save yourselves and abandon ship!

Now that Louisiana has awaken from its drunken stupor and sobered up on TOPS, please give these serious investments your consideration or venmo me.


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