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7 BR Restaurants That Sound Like Sex Positions

 

As the saying goes, “The best way to a man’s shlong is through his stomach.” If you’re having a dry spell, or maybe you just can’t get enough, try incorporating sexual fantasies into the food you ingest. Baton Rouge is home to the raunchiest of the raunch, and the names of our most popular restaurants are no coincidence.

 

7.) Caliente:
Some like it warm, some like it hot, and some like it muy caliente. Excite your mate by incorporating a sexy samba in the bedroom or licking Caliente’s delish queso off each other’s genitals. A vegan option: tequila body shots off each other. Spring break style, motherfuckers.

 

6.) Mellow Mushroom:
First of all, mushrooms look like dicks. Secondly, the relief of an orgasm is more mellow than any blunt could ever make you feel. Combine the two and treat yourself to the mellow mushroom of your choice, sis. You’ll be screaming “Holy Shiitake!” all night long.

 

5.) Fat Cow:
Shoutout to all the chubby chasers out there! Dad bods are in, baby. Bang the fat bearded fucker of your choice and make him mooooan your name. The best part about slammin’ fatties: they’re great to cuddle with afterwards.

 

4.) Frostop:
This name is really asking for it. Frost = cum and top = face/chest/ wherever the nut may grace you. Nothing like a lil’ facial to make you feel like you’re in high school again, right? Change up your usual pull-out routine and get some frost on your face.

 

 

3.) Kolache Kitchen:
The definition of a kolache is “a type of pastry that holds a dollop of fruit, rimmed by a puffy pillow of supple dough.” No joke, look it up, plebs. Don’t we all just want our fruit dollop rimmed by a puffy, supple mouth? Fucking right we do.

 

2.) Roul’s:
This place is plain filthy and the menu sounds like every basic BR bitch’s body count. The “Dave,” “Steve,” “Tom,” and “Josh” burgers are just the half of it. How about the “Rick Baby” or the “Rick Double?” Make this menu come to life by running a train on any fraternity of your choice and call yourself Roul’s Sweetheart.

 

1.) Nine Dragon:
Last, but certainly not least. Nine Dragon sounds like the Chinese term for a good ole bukkake. Round up nine of your hottest Tinder matches and get that game of hot potato goin’. It’s bound to be “Mai Fun!”

 

You heard it from The Black Sheep first, sluts.

 

 

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