Everything was smooth sailing with your summer hookup until he invited you to lunch with his family. Yikesssss. How are you to tell him that this is a no strings attached relationship and not seem like a total bitch? Hand him your copy of NSYNC’s 2002 album “No Strings Attached”, that’s how.
8.) “It’s Gonna Be Me”:
“Look, ‘It’s Gonna Be Me’ and ONLY me this summer, because I’m broke and I’m not letting you share your Netflix account with other hoes just to have me booted off.”
7.) “I’ll be good for you”:
“Oh, ‘I’ll be good for you’ baby, but remember this subscription will be terminated once the summer’s over.” Careful to not be too good to him. Don’t ask about his day or how he’s doing. You don’t want to send mixed signals about this strictly physical agreement.
6.) “Space Cowboy”:
One text to him that says, “why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yay why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yo why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yay Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yo,” and you won’t have to worry about him thinking this is something more than it is.
5.) “Digital Get Down”:
So, he goes to Innsbruck for three weeks, not a problem. Text him before you call with something along the lines of, “Baby, baby get nasty, nasty and we can get freaky deaky” to set the mood. He’ll know what you mean ;).
4.) “This I promise you”:
“I promise to take you in my arms, and hold you right where you belong, preferably with handcuffs.” After all, this is a no strings attached agreement, last time you checked handcuffs aren’t MADE OF STRINGS.
3.) “Bringin Da Noise”:
Yes, bring da noise, and that noise is letting this boy know that what you did in his car last night is definitely a no strings attached kinda thing. Hand him the album, girl.
2.) “That’s When I’ll Stop Loving You”:
“I really like this Dirty Dancing vibe we have going on, but cutting off our lessons on August 19 at 11:59 p.m.” Okay, fine you can quench his thirst one last time before your 8 a.m. on August 20.
1.) “Bye Bye Bye”:
Once you have a new visitor, August 20, knocking on your back door, ghost your other frequent visitor. Text him, “It ain’t no lie baby, bye, bye, bye.” If he texts you back, respond with “ERROR 609: Don’t make it tough, I just want to tell you that I’ve had enough.”
The second he starts giving you that look and whining, “it’s tearin up my heart,” and saying you’re his, “The Essential” that he needs, RUN.
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