What would you do without Daddy? Daddy sends you money for Bogie’s and bongs. Daddy finances your electric bill, pays off your MIP, and bankrolls your ski trip to Vail. But what would you do if Daddy cuts you off after finding out how much weed you bought with your Christmas money? Where are you supposed to live? How are you supposed to cope?? We at The Black Sheep have come up with six places to seek shelter at LSU once Daddy cuts you out.
6.) Kirby Smith:
Face the punishment of being a broke fuck and reside in the campus prison. The RA’s and desk assistants will never notice a squatter among the eleven floors of the Dirty Kirb. The eternally broken elevators and mental hospital-style hallways are a humbling step down from Daddy’s beach house and butlers.
5.) 4th Floor of Middleton:
If you seek silent meditation to figure out your new life, the 4th floor of Club Mid is for you. Sit down, breath in and out slowly, and try to imagine you’re in Daddy’s penthouse.
Wait, there’s a Subway on campus? If you’re too embarrassed to be seen by your old friends, go in hiding at the basement Subway. You’ll get used to the smell of old turkey and your rich friends will never step foot in there.
3.) Delta Kappa Epsilon Backyard:
So you used to be able to afford your Greek dues, now you’re a poor freak whose Polo shirts are worth more than you. If you still crave the comfort of a Greek identity, try posing as a DKE. Their backyard is always open, and there’s plenty of bushes for you to curl up and cry in.
2.) Lockett Basement:
At this point, the hardship of poverty is really getting to you. Lay down on the floor of the Lockett basement and let the human traffic trample the shit out of you. It’s better to feel pain than to face the reality Daddy’s given you.
1.) Bottom of the lake:
Fucking face it–nothing’s worse than being a poor Plebeian like the rest of the LSU community. If Daddy doesn’t give back your American Express card soon, you might as well throw yourself into the campus lake.
Welcome to life as an underling, asshole. Maybe Daddy will send you a check before you throw yourself in the lake.
WATCH: This is the most garbage of memes, hate it before it happens,