Following the Greek Life Task Force’s decision to shut down the proposal that would enforce mandatory and random drug testing for all Greek students, members of Lambda Omega Lambda, Hansel Jennings-Wellington IV and Ronald J. Breaux celebrated their “victory” in the streets of New Orleans over the Mardi Gras weekend in the only way they knew how.
“It was circa 2007 Wayne in that biatch,” says Hansel in between hits and giggles. “With the administration all up in our junk this past month, you couldn’t find shit in the house. So yeah, I’d say we definitely needed this weekend. My old man threw me a few celebratory hundo’s and the rest is history. Oh, what, you thought this was the first drought the row has experienced?”
Although not for certain if the mandatory proposal would have actually gone into effect, many members of the Greek community took extra precautions–resulting in the aforementioned month-long “drought.”
The announcement of the policy shutdown, made just 24-hours before the start of Mardi Gras break, had all LSU frat daddies lifting the row’s month-long drought, and “making it rain.” Ronald, who claims he hasn’t slept in three days from all the victory-partying says he was certain his college days were over, betting his “left nut” the policy would go into effect.
“I remember thinking, it’s happening. It’s all happening. I mean, I heard of this happening at other schools,” says Ronald. “First, it’s the tailgates… next thing you know, it’s our parking spaces and steak dinners. But wow, thank God that’s all over. Want a line?”
Hansel, on the other hand, claims he was never worried about the drug testing policy, certain the entire time it would, yet again, eventually be shut down. “Fake news, bitch! I knew the whole time it wasn’t real, I told y’all. Honestly, who do you think built the business school?”
Robert Byer, chairman of the LSU Greek Life Task Force that would require all Greeks to partake in this “random drug testing” still stands behind his decision to make the Greeks suffer, claiming, “The ‘Animal House’ days are over.”
“I have nothing to say except, we’ll be back, baby,” yells Robert from his Prius. “The Greeks may have won again, but rest assured, the days of pot and alcohol and orgies will be history the time football season comes around. It ain’t over.”
May all your Mardi Gras celebrations be drought-free.
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