Greetings, stragglers left behind! While the rest of campus is off to New Orleans to partake in a week full of clean ‘n classy fun, you’ll be stuck on campus for some really unfortunate reason. Maybe it’s because you hate fun and people, or maybe you just can’t do another year of projectile vomiting on a police horse after being awoken by a cop for passing out in a puddle of urine-soaked beads, a half eaten hot dog in one hand. Either way, you’ll be stuck on a pretty much-deserted campus, left all alone with your textbooks and your mere dreams of fun.
Don’t fret, little straggler; here are 5 ways to spice up your lonely Mardi Gras party for one:
5.) Have Your Own Parade With The Campus Bums:
You know those bums on the bikes who approach you, asking for spare change while on your way into CVS? Well as it turns out, they’re down for 5 a.m. beers and will be here for Mardi Gras too! So come on, get a little freaky; Form a caravan and bump your music loudly whilst marching down highland, tossing out beads and whatever else your heart desires. God knows there won’t be anyone to catch them; but the key here is alcohol, kids.
4.) Break Into The Lazy River Construction Site And Throw a Half-Pool Party:
So by the time this million-dollar thing is complete, most of us will be old and kind of employed, but worse…no longer permitted to ride these sweet waves of freedom. Therefore, you should totally break into this construction site and throw a secret Mardi Gras banger. What better way is there to do a campus Mardi Gras?
3.) Have A Mardi Gras Tailgate:
Yeah, yea, yea, we all know tailgating is usually reserved for sports or New Orleans’ parades, but why not start a new thing? Just set up camp on the parade grounds and you’ll be amazed with the turnout (and the many different levels of weird things will get.)
2.) Eat Yourself Into A Food Coma:
Mardi Gras or not, you do this anyways, but why not step it up a notch and “parade” around the union and eat from every place you can until you can no longer see straight/no longer drive? After all, Mardi Gras is about excessive everything.
1.) Play A Drinking Game By Yourself Via Mardi Gras Snap Chat Stories:
Probably the saddest one listed, but has lots of potential. We know everyone who’s in NOLA will be live snap chatting their entire time at the parades. So instead of watching in resentment and remorse, make a drinking game out of it: take a shot every time you spot a girl wearing one of those long-sleeved collared, Mardi Gras-color striped shirts and two shots for every tit you see. The possibilities are ENDLESS. Maybe, just…find at least one person to play with…
We hope these tips will rid you of any FOMO you may experience. Make sure to follow them all and you surely, will win Mardi Gras.
WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.