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LSU Students Shocked After Realizing Spring Break Wasn’t The Best Week Ever

This past week, LSU students were finally able to enjoy the spring break most college students had a month ago. Spring break is one of the most hyped holidays for college students. Since New Year’s, students have been dieting and jogging and tanning and drinking to prepare for the week of April 10-17. The Black Sheep followed freshman Jessica Larsen and senior Todd Ackleman for a full report on their respective weeks in Pensacola, LSU’s spring break home base.

“I’ve been looking forward to my first college Spreak since high school. The darties, funnels, and luges… I wanted it all,” Larsen anecdotes. “If only my high school self knew what I know now.”

Larsen and her sorority stayed in a beach house in Pensacola. Other LSU Greek organizations were staying on the same street throughout the week.

“The week was going fine, I’d say. The first night was great. My spray tan came out the perfect shade and two of my sisters told me I looked anorexic,” Larsen continues. “But then we went to the Lambda party…”

Todd Ackleman, senior and Lambda treasurer, has gone to Pensacola for spring break every year.

“This party was the shit, bros. We made the pledges gives us their paychecks for the past two months to cover the costs,” Ackleman begins. “Kegs, two margarita machines, boob luges, bootleg Old Row koozies, three American flags, titties, one Confederate flag, a Lambda flag, titties, bellybutton rings, the whole nine yards.”

Lambda’s biggest party went down on Wednesday night before students started returning home. The party started around 6 p.m. Jessica Larsen was one of the many girls in attendance.

“After my 17th keg stand, I really don’t remember anything. When I woke up, I was missing half of my eyebrow and I was wearing a diaper,” says Larsen. “I ran to the bathroom to throw up, and there was a goat in the bath tub and blood on the mirror. It was like a nightmare.”

Larsen left Pensacola on Friday with the rest of her sisters. The girls felt the week was underwhelming, and they have mixed feelings about returning to Pensacola next year.

“I’ve heard a few people hate on our party. But you know what? It was the best god damned night of my life,” Ackleman states. “I love spring break so much, I’m taking a fifth year just to get one more in there. That’s right, P-Cola, Ack-man is coming back as a Super Senior!”

“I don’t know the exact moment that ruined SB 2017 for me. All I do know is that I can’t shake this empty feeling inside,” says Larsen in her final statement to The Black Sheep. “And the image of that little goat…”

After a full investigation, we at The Black Sheep are saddened to learn that spring break may not be the best week ever. Hope you tigers have an easy recovery.


Like booze before noon? So do these guys…


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