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Senior At Frat Tailgate Falls Down In Keg Stand, Reputation Ruined

This past weekend in New Orleans, a senior in an LSU fraternity that wishes to remain nameless fell down during a keg stand. The tragic accident shocked not only the pledge class, but the lowerclassmen as well. We at The Black Sheep spoke with members of the fraternity to learn more.

“Jake* was my big brother. He taught me how to funnel, take a rip from a grav bong, and he held me up in my first keg stand,” said Liam Kenzington. “Now, I can’t even look him in the eye.”

Jake was apparently known for his ability to keg stands for minutes. His fraternity brothers knew him as “Topsy-Turvy.”

“He was never not in a keg stand. Topsy Turvy was always the first on a keg, dude,” said fraternity president. “He really guided our pledges’ ability to hang. How can we expect our pledges to hang when our gnarliest senior can’t?”

The fraternity has decided to forego any upcoming parties and tailgates in lieu of Jake’s fall. There were no physical injuries, however there seems to be much emotional damage. We spoke with Jake personally on the issue.

“I mean, I don’t know what happened out there. I was about to beat my record. This is my last Mardi Gras as an active, and I was hoping to leave a legend. Now I’ll forever be known as the pussy of P** K**** K****.”

The fraternity is not sure of Jake’s status in the fraternity. Jake will possibly face probation, or drop from the fraternity himself.

“This fraternity is important to me. I don’t want to leave, but I also can’t bear fucking up our reputation,” said Jake. “Not to mention, I completely ruined Mardi Gras for my brothers. This will forever be a holiday that lives in infamy.”

Hopefully, we’re able to catch up with Jake soon. The fraternity will likely remain under the radar until spring break.

*All names have been changed to protect the identity of the fraternity.


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