Sooooo Spring Invitational was last week, and we saw some characters. Aspiring tiger-freshmen are pretty easy to spot: bright purple backpacks they no doubt were given at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square, intimidated faces, big noses, I Heart F. King t-shirts—it’s like straight outta Cartoon Central in the quad. We took the liberty of pairing the ten stereotypical types of incoming freshmen with your favorite cartoon characters. You’re welcome.
10.) Fred Flintstone:
These guys have to make a rough transition from their farmlands (especially if they come from Alabama) to using a device that connects to Eduroam. They have the country accents and are usually having a rough day understanding basic science and engineering concepts. Common type 10, the force of gravity is 9.81m/s2! They do come with nice trucks though—you can tell from their dirty feet.
9.) Rowan Bean:
This is your foreign friend who just landed in Baton Rouge from far way places that barely 1% of us could point at on a map. Everything they do is hilarious from their accents to their actions. Nonetheless, they are extremely intelligent on the inside and find a way to make it through college. Just watching them in action will make you smile for the day.
8.) Patrick Star:
These folks will have a hard time trying to pass classes and may drop out after freshmen year. If they do manage to make it by, it’s because of their loyal squad. Half of them will be engineering majors before they make the switch back to the rock. We all love them though because they are just so chill and probably won’t see them ever again in college.
7.) Dora Marquez:
Your typical freshmen sorority pledge. She is ready to explore everything because of her adventurous spirit and willing to do everything and anything! You’ll find her at Cox Auditorium for her classes. But too much fun and she will be out of college in a year. Vamanos!
6.) Richie Rich:
Ahh, your rich fraternity freshman. They drive nice cars and have no problem picking up girls. They may or may not care about college because everything gets handed down to them anyway. However, they make good friends and who doesn’t want to play with a badass dog like that?
The freshman whose name pops up many times in class but you never see them. It’s simply because they never show up to class but still manage to do well. They’re out there somewhere but you’ll never find their ghostly ass. They’re super chill and see LSU from an entirely different perspective than most Tigers.
4.) Johnny Bravo:
This one is the type that keeps on hogging everything at the UREC. They never go to class because they’re ALWAYS trying to bulk up. You will run into them at Chipotle, GNC and other places that have more protein than the number of bad guys Chuck Norris didn’t have to beat up because they were afraid of him. They’re typically wannabe-athletes.
3.) Daphne Blake:
Dayuuuum girl! Number 3 is the really friggin’ hot girl that may join a sorority as the star and doesn’t have to do what Number 7 does secretly to be popular. She’s already popular. You may find her on our cheerleading squad or simply walking past the quad. She is very hard to get and only Number 6 has a decent chance with her at least in college. Number 1 has a good chance to win her heart after college. She is everyone’s dream girl.
2.) Lisa Simpson:
This is the extremely talented and intelligent type of freshman. She will go on to be attractive as well and make 6 figures after graduation. She is the computer science and the physic major’s wet dreams come true.
1.) Mickey Mouse:
This is the freshmen that knows what it takes to be successful in life. They are seen during office hours, applying for internships and having a great time with friends. They are always cheerful no matter what happens although that may backfire on them if they are Petroleum Engineering majors (because no one is getting those jobs right now!) Otherwise, they will do great in life and live the American dream with a girl from Number 3, the dog and cars from Number 6 and many Number 9 friends when they explore the world.
So there you have it. The ten little happy-asses we all saw strolling around last week. Still full of life, and full of hope. Th-that’s all, folks!