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LSU English Professors Form Union, Demand More Chalk

According to close sources of The Black Sheep, LSU English professors have formed a union against the university in the demands for more reliable access to chalk.

It all started last Friday, when Professor Inkman, head of the Creative Writing department, stormed out of his Rhetoric of Magic class in a rage, yelling “No chalk, no teach!” after noticing that all of the chalk from his chalkboard tray had mysteriously vanished for what he describes as the “third time this semester.”

Inkman, followed by the majority of his students, stormed through the halls, fists high in the air, sparking a long-overdue movement not only for English professors, but all students affected by this chalk-deprived environment called Allen Hall.

Rumors have circulated that Inkman will march this Friday around the quad, alongside fellow English professors and students to call for infinite amounts of chalk for every classroom.

“None of that cheap stuff either!” adds Professor Inkman, who claims he’s been to other schools where the chalk was “sturdy and smooth,” unlike the chalk at LSU that breaks easily into dust between your fingers.

Mia-Rose, junior at LSU, and one of Inkman’s students who paraded the halls beside her professor, explains that chalk has impacted her life in ways other majors will never understand: “As an Anthropology major with a concentration in Primitive Cultures, coping with the fact that LSU won’t even provide pieces of chalk, the most primitive form of recordation, is quite frankly just oppressive.”

Mia-Rose hopes to make an impact on LSU campus and spread awareness to other students that are being robbed of such vital supplies needed for student development. Besides going on an all day hunger strike, she plans on showing up to the march dressed as a convicted piece of chalk.

Although elated by the idea of a riot, a few students in Inkman’s class chose not to rebel against the administration. Alex Ware, freshman and Finance major, claims he’s “only in the Rhetoric of Magic class for the A and the Harry Potter aspect.” Ware also admitted to The Black Sheep, “Look, Professor Inkman is a cool dude but I’m just here to graduate. Plus, I’m more of a dry-erase marker kind of guy.”

The Black Sheep reached out to F. King Alexander, who declined to comment on the matter, stating he’ll be busy all week picking out Italian marble for the LSU lazy river. The $85M project, which was supposed to be finished last semester, now promises to be completed by the time President Trump is impeached. The lazy river is said to be in the shape of a freshman boy shot-gunning a beer.

Professor Inkman and fellow English Professors encourage ALL students and professors, of any marginalized college, to step forward and join this Friday’s fight for free, reliable access to chalk.

Check out some of Trump’s leaked text messages, DEFINITELY not fake news…

 

 

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