The Eno community wants it, and they want it NOW! Have you ever tried getting through the Quad and you trip over seven shirtless ukulele players and their Eno’s? The Eno Community has spoken, seeking peace with LSU students. The following is a list of demands the leisure group feels will create harmony between themselves and all non-hammockers on campus.
7.) Buy an Eno:
Right now you see them as an annoyance, but that’s your corporate closed-mind talking. Imagine lying back and looking at the sky with your best friends for hours. The sun will kiss your face and tell you its secrets, man.
6.) Reject corporate America:
Big business? No thanks, man. Keep your suits out of our faces! Big Pharma can fuck off, too. Don’t listen to their lies, dude! They’re all money and no love. And in the words of John Lennon, “All you need is love.”
5.) No shoes Wednesdays:
Did you know homosapiens aren’t meant to wear shoes? It messes with your bone structure and natural chakras. Worried about stepping on rocks or sharp objects? No need— your feet will callous! Toss out the tennies, brothers, and begin the first step to freeing your body.
4.) Hourly ukulele jams:
Mmmm, who can’t get down with the sweet tunes, mon? We’re open to taking requests, too! Maybe the ukelele music makes you cringe, but give it a chance, my dude! Harmonize along to our rendition of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” or “Lean On Me.” We promise it’s a better release than smoking those whack ass cigarettes.
3.) Puka necklaces for all:
Nothin’ like a little bling bling, am I right? Even better, it comes from the ocean. Help our lil dudes in the sea brotendo. Channel the stoner in every late 90’s to mid-00’s movie and get those shells around ya neck.
2.) Deodorant-free campus:
Deodorant is bad for you and we weren’t meant to clog up our pores like that, man. Let your natural flavor out! Everybody’s doing it, man. Let’s all feel this wave together. This is just another step in freeing your body, man! Feel the earth in your body while you rock back in forth in your hammock.
1.) Align your chakras and open your third eye:
This one can’t happen overnight, but it comes with time. Really speak to your body and soul. Meditate in your hammock and feel Mother Earth telling you what you need. Pro tip: buy crystals and line them up with the sun and the clouds. Their energy will charge up and burst open your third eye. Gnarly, dude.
C’mon guys, life’s a journey not a destination.